I feel bad writing this but I am just so tired of dealing with my elderly dad!
I can't do links on phone , but I've written before about my dad ( 97) and how much he dislikes his care home: it's nearly a year now and his still going on about going home ; he can't: the house he lived in for years is a rental and has been re let now by the council. He isn't entitled to any state help yet and his savings are withering away.
He has middle stage Alzheimer's but he knows who we are and can walk about slowly with a frame.
I thought he'd be a bit more settled by now but he really isn't and if he gets a uti he becomes even more agitated and aggressive and piles the guilt on. I'm actually quite depressed about it all as he has it in his head ' if I go home , I'll be ok'.
I'm starting to think he could have had more carers go in to him, but he did used to wander off up the roads and his delusions would take over plus the uti s were every week nearly at sometimes! In and out of hospital too , we had run out of options. Even though the hospital thought he would be ok at home.
My mil is also a handful ( lives alone now miles from us and also piles on the guilt about everything) she has always been difficult and narcissistic and is even worse these days. (She hasn't got dementia though. )
We can't go away or go anywhere as we're having to care for her plus she wouldn't cope with us being away for longer than a few nights! My dh is the only one who can help her , she's all he has.
I'm just so down ; my children are ' off hand' but now we have parents demanding our time etc and sometimes I cannot handle the guilt. I know we're not looking after them ( I haven't the space as kids still live here) but they are always on my mind and visiting them really does make me feel so bad ( my brothers feel the same too)
I see all these people having holidays and fun and we can't! I know I sound selfish and people say 'your lucky to have your parents at such a great age' but I cannot agree sometimes. As horrible as that sounds.
There's not much quality of life for them really and my dad hates me for putting him in a care home and my mil just wants our time and ' pay back' for bringing up her son ( my dh) ( she is a very unreasonable person and her demands are huge) she won't consider a home and we couldn't make her of course.
She hasn't a home of her own or any savings so her options are even more limited than my dad's were.
Sometimes I wish I could run away just to get away from the constant stress and worry and guilt. I know I should not be so dramatic , but it's so consuming at times. They didn't have any of this with their own parents at all and just don't understand any of it.
I know I sound ungrateful and aware it could be worse of course. I'm also a born worrier.
The home his in is ok, but it's not perfect and there are niggles which never seem to get sorted out! We flag them up but it seems to get overlooked.
I know they do their best , but I do think some things are just brushed under the carpet.
The thought of moving him would be another headache though ; he will never settle anywhere.
Sorry it's so long. Wish I could deal with things better than I do.
I feel for my dh as he does his best for his mum , but it's never good enough. She is very high maintenance and been worse since she became a widow too. Physically she is in worse shape than my dad who is 4 years older than her.
I wish I could cope with it all better than I am and I know that some people think ' I could never do this to my parents'. Makes me feel worse. I just feel like it's such a huge burden sometimes then I hate myself for thinking like it! ( and feeling selfish)