Advice - alternatives to care homes

[Pitapotamus]

My grandmother has dementia but she can manage and wants to manage in her own home. However, there is a risk of falls and confusion etc. She’s physically becoming frail and her eyesight is not great. She’s fiercely independent and thinks she can manage everything, she has a great attitude, never moans, never worries and is a pleasure to be around even though she hasn’t got much “chat” anymore!

At the moment she has a carer visit once a day for 2 hours to do housework and bits and bobs and family drop in a few times a week. Even though she sees people more than once a day the length of time between that contact feels too long - e.g. if she fell over in the evening, say, in the garden, she wouldn’t be found till the next morning.

It got me thinking about what options are available for someone in her to essentially plug that danger gap in visits. She doesn’t actually need anyone to do anything for her beyond what her current carer already does and so I was thinking if she had a live in person who was just “around” overnight and used the place as their base and gave her a bit of company that would be ideal.

Is there such a service - I’ve been googling and all I can find is proper care packages for people who need washing and dressing etc which isn’t really necessary here. If there is such a service and someone could point me in the direction that would be really helpful!

Also, any other suggestions also welcome!

Also, she can’t use one of those alarm bell things that people wear because she forgets what it’s for and takes it off!

I can't remember the names of them at the moment, but I believe there are several groups around the country that will match people in need of a room to people with spare capacity. The idea that it helps people who just need a bit of company is definitely part of it.

I would be a little concerned as to whether your grandmother would cope well with that arrangement or if she might find it difficult at times. "When are you going home, dear?" repeatedly every evening for example. In which case live in companions and/or carers start to be more important as the balance of obligation and expectations shifts.

Worth looking into I would think.

Yes, that’s exactly the sort of thing I’m looking for. If you remember the names of any of those sorts of sites online please let me know! I shall persist with my google searching for now!

sharedlivesplus.org.uk/shared-living/

This?

My granny has a live in carer. They swap staff every 2 weeks.

Private agencies offer 24 'companions'. Around 1k a week though.

We had a monitoring system installed by social services. It was an app which showed movement in certain rooms, not cameras just motion detectors. It also monitored the doors and sent an alert if a door had been opened then no movement in the house.

This was useful when mum was pacing about the house at night, we would phone for a chat and suggest it was bedtime.

Some private care agencies offer people just for companionship. You could look at "companionship" visits during the day and technology for overnight - though relying on technology usually means that you're on 24hr call-out in case of problems.

An overnight sitter might work. Agencies do this,but I don't know what they are likely to charge.

I read about similar to @jenn24 suggestion above recently. An app that could actually learn usual movements and text someone if movements were outside of usual patterns or there weren't any. Seamed like a really unintrusive alert system. Not foolproof but a little more reassurance for those around, when the homeowner is essentially coping.

Thanks all, food for thought. I will look into these suggestions.

The 'shared living' thing might work, but TBH I'd think it probably more suited to someone without dementia.

People with dementia (I have far too much experience of it!) can often become very suspicious, accuse people of stealing things, etc. - nearly always when they've hidden something so successfully that it takes forever to find it.

There is also the question of night times. . Is your GM up and down a lot in the night - this is also very common, since people often lose all sense of time, or whether it's day or night. Disturbed sleep for anyone else in the house is sadly all too common.

If you do find anyone to live in and provide company, I think you'd need to be very sure that they were well aware of what can happen with dementia (which incidentally is only ever going to get worse) - and that they were OK with it, TBH most people who have never lived with it don't have much of a clue at all. Very often it's not just a case of 'getting more forgetful'.

I'm sorry if this all sounds very discouraging, but something else has just occurred to me - people with dementia are extremely vulnerable to unscrupulous people who persuade them to give access to their finances. This is sadly far from uncommon so you'd need to be 100% sure of the person's character.

It would be very wise, if not essential, IMO, before any such arrangement, to take out a Power of Attorney for finances (if there isn't one already) so that no pleasant-seeming person could help themselves.

We looked at shared living and tried it for a bit but one of the issues was that, although the house was clean and well maintained, it had too old lady a decor to interest many people. Although a city, not London, so smaller pool of applicants. So small that even though all we asked for was a phone call if MIL looked or sounded a bit unwell & for the person to engage as little as 'Good morning' or 'Good evening' whichever time of day that they might see her, that proved to be too much. Obviously not asking for a financial contribution eg rent at all, and it was incredibly hard to find someone. Big house so they had top floor to themselves.
It wasn't incredibly satisfactory. Don't reccomend it for dementia which is progressively worsening.

Ah, found it.
homeshareuk.org/
They help you find organisations that cover your area. Hope it gives you a starting point for either trying it out, or ruling it out as a viable option.