elderly dad

[The80sweregreat]

Dad is 97 and in a care home. This last week his breathing has been a bit laboured and he had an eye infection.
He is on anti biotics but he looks even worse today, so pale and gaunt and his skin looks grey and a bit yellow too.
The care home are arranging for a swab to be taken- the care home manager said it ' isnt flu' but other than that they can't say much else.
He is drinking and has gotten over so many infections in the past, mostly UTIs though, has had loads of those over the years.
Just wondering if anyone on here can give me any clue as to what it could be considering his age etc etc. He has a bad cough and the mucus is an odd colour and very thick.
He has been in residential care since last autumn.
They dont like to say too much at the home but a few of them have been poorly lately with coughs and colds, this seems worse than that and he looks so ill.
He is a fighter though, nearly always bounces back from all these infections! He has never settled down really and its the usual feelings of guilt and worry that seems neverending at times. can only talk about it on here as other people dont understand !!

Reminds me so much of my Aunt a couple of years ago. Sometimes it seems that their bodies just haven't got the fight left for any more infections. Their organs can just about cope when there are no extra stresses but really struggle when anything gets out of balance.

And then sometimes they pull round again and carry on for a while longer - I'm not sure it's necessarily a good thing for them when they do.

It's so hard. We want them to carry on forever but that is not always the best thing for them.

One time, hopefully for you, not this time, he isn't going to bounce back. It sounds like he has had a great life and that you love him very very much.

At 97, in a care home, it isn't always the best thing to treat infection aggressively if it just prolongs the agony and delays something that will happen soon anyway.
Hopefully you are not yet at that stage - just keep on loving him and being there for him but remember there is a time limit for everyone

Thank you for your reply. So kind.

I've not heard anymore and will see him today. He does tend to fight on so I wouldn't be shocked if he does pull through this but I've a bad feeling I can't shift?
He is very old and has been ok up to now ( apart from falls and uti) but he has never settled in that home and the staff are so nice and kind to him. Just stretched like everyone is these days!

He has a bad cough and the mucus is an odd colour and very thick. When my Dad (similar age to yours) had this it proved to be pneumonia, shifted with a week's course of antibiotics. Used to be called "the old man's friend" as a relatively pain free termination to a life which was becoming unbearable, but only you know what your dad would wish. Live for the day - concentrate on making him feel loved and cared for, whether it proves to be the beginning of the end or a temporary setback.

Thank you.
I'll update later on when I see him.
Have nobody to talk to in real life really.
I just feel strange.

my dad seems better this past week, but today the Doctor could still hear some crackles in his lower lung and his now back on the anti biotics again. lower respiratory infection.

His never had to have ' back to back' tablets before this, but they dont seem that worried about him and said he seems okay. His a lot less agitated and annoyed and a better colour and is eating.
. I have looked up lower respiratory infections and they are worse than upper ones so i am still worried about him.
His a bit more alert than he was last week though, but just saying his tired all the time! i guess he will be.
anyone had experience of this before? is this a normal thing for so many anti biotics?

It can sometimes take a time to get the right antibiotic. They start with using one that's likely to cure it, means they can get started straight away without waiting for test results. But if that isn't shifting it, they'll try another one.

Yes, lower respiratory infections you could expect to be worse because they're deeper into the lungs, more difficult to shift mucus.

At this age, physical condition does seem to reflect back into mental state, so being less agitated and in a better temper is good news.

Thank you,
I've looked up lower vs upper respiratory infections and it does sound as if lower is worse to shift. Dad is a fighter though. Been here many times before with infections etc and his always bounced back! I know he won't ( one day) but his so much better than he was even on Monday.
He has mixed / vascular dementia so he can talk to us and moans at the carers! His about the chattiest one where he sits.
They are all so different in his home.
Sometimes I think he may have been better at home, then he has a fall or another infection and I know we did the right thing.
Still hard though when he just goes on about ' home'

Sometimes I think he may have been better at home, then he has a fall or another infection and I know we did the right thing. My Dad doesn't yet have dementia, although he is losing his cognitive powers. When he's well, he's well, lucid although prone to fits of imagination, can potter about on his zimmer frame, etc. But if he messes his medication and is eating too many biscuits, his legs swell up, his mobility falls, his cognition gets worse, and he can't get himself back on an even keel. You'd think it would be an easy thing to make sure he has his medication and eats good food regularly, but even with meals on wheels and carers coming in, we couldn't manage it in his home.

As you've realised, it's not the good times you need to think about, it's whether you can maintain that level of care, and get him back to health again if he slips.

Yes, it is hard as his never really settled down and his been there 8 months now!
His also not quite as bad as some of the other residents as he can communicate and knows who we are.
It was the other issues he had that forced us to do this but he can't see our point of view . Plus we tell him he has Alzheimer's but he can't seem to grasp what that is. Sometimes he knows he isn't well , but that is rare.
Still hard though ; I have got over the guilt but I just wished he was a bit more positive about being looked after and not sat indoors for hours on his own , at risk. As would have happened if he had gone back home after being in hospital last summer. Carers can only do so much.
Have to see how he is today.

He was doing ok , but today he was grumpy again and just going on about going home.
He looked pale and still coughing a little bit.
Very abusive and didn't want his cup of tea.
The antibiotics end on Monday. Wonder if the infection is still hanging around?
His not nice when his complaining all the time and has delusions.