Worried about my dad - no professionals seem to be

[worriedaboutdad111]

Hi, I need some advice about the way my Dad’s been for the past few years. Me and my sister worry about dementia but he’s been to see about 4 different gps over the past couple of years and none seem concerned at all, they say his issues are stress related.

Would really appreciate a new perspective on this!

He’s 65 and in decent physical health - type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure which are both being managed very well. He’s just retired but is still fit and active, except the past few months he’s complained more of feeling cold a lot and being tired all the time.

His long term memory is scarily good, he can remember what colour jumper someone was wearing in December 1972 for example. He can tell us the exact conversations he’s had from when he was a child, really intricate trivial details of his past.

This is where the problems start to arise, with his short term memory. He can sometimes forget the names of his grandchildren, son in laws, acquaintances, tv shows etc. This happens a lot, at least once every time I speak to him he’ll struggle with a name or a word he’s familiar with.

Repetition - he will tell me and my sister the same things over and over again, even on the same day. He does remember when we tell him he’s doing this but if we didn’t he’d repeat himself a lot.

Refusal to take responsibility for anything or admit he’s wrong. This is a weird one as it probably part of his character but it just seems more obvious than ever. If he’s late, gets times wrong, loses something, he blames everyone else and makes so many excuses. If we express any frustration at all he gets annoyed at us and says we’re making his memory worse.

He also loses things, tells inappropriate jokes and recently has struggled with directions when driving when previously he’s been excellent at that. The jokes thing is again his personality but can be awkward, he also likes talking to strangers a lot which can be embarrassing in public. He says he misses a time when everyone was friendly and people did used to chat to each other. Maybe a fair point, I’m trying to be objective.

Doctors have said it’s all stress and depression related memory issues, however it’s got noticeably worse the past 6 months or so due to the other things I mentioned.

What I want to ask is- does this sound like it could be dementia or are we worrying about nothing? I hope I haven’t come across badly, it’s just very hard to know how to help him

Eek...sorry this is so long!!

Does the doctor know your concerns and the changes you have noticed. Who told you it is stress or depression, do you know if he's had a dementia screen or memory clinic referral. Could it be diabetes or high bloid pressure related. Could his medication be the cause of some of his symptoms, has he been started on anything new.

Could be a bit of both - the blame game thing (it's always someone else) is classic depression or anxiety to me. But the reduction in recent memory V long term memory sounds more dementia-like.

When you say the doctors claim stress and depression as the cause - is that because you are speaking to the doctors or is that what your father tells you? Does he go to these appointments on his own(I'm guessing he does)?

Hi thanks so much for replying, my sister went with him to the most recent appointment but this was a good while ago - about 18 months I think. She said the dr was completely unfazed by dad’s memory issues, and she asked him lots of questions in there which he answered with no problem and she was happy that it was purely stress related. No referral to memory clinic, I think my sister asked but the dr said no.

I never even thought that all this could be his medication! I can’t believe it didn’t occur to me, I’ll ask him tomorrow exactly what meds he’s on and look up the side effects as this could be it. Not been started on anything new as far as I know but will check.
Thanks again.

Sassitude he’s been on his own except for the most recent where my sister went, didn’t see your reply at the time of writing that!
He refuses to go again, he gets incredibly snappy and defensive if we mention his memory and won’t even acknowledge that it could be dementia. I forgot to say as well he gets words mixed up a lot when talking and can slur his words too.

One of the clear signs with my aunt was she started telling rude jokes, in a way she never had before.
I would say you need to let his gp know you have seen a distinct change in personality (if you have) and mention quick to anger and the jokes. They obviously won’t be able to you anything but you can let them know your concerns.

It does sound like dementia, if he hasnt been to the gp for 18 months i would be taking him back to the gp if you are worried and if he will go. A lot can happen in 18 months.
I work with people with dementia and notice a change in residents in their dementia over the years.

It is a horrible disease to have.

Flashing I’m sorry about your aunt, did she ever tell rude jokes before? How is she doing now?

vodka This is hard to read, I appreciate you being honest and saying that you think it sounds like it. What I don’t understand is why the doctors he’s seen have been so determined to say it’s not dementia, is this a known problem with getting a diagnosis? My sister said the gp looked at her like she had two heads throughout the app and kept saying it’s definitely not dementia.

The other times my Dad’s been to see different gps (after we’ve persuaded him) he’s said they’ve been extremely insistent that it’s all stress related and he’s had to push for the short memory tests they’ve given him in there.

I’ll talk to him tomorrow about going back, he gets so offended and annoyed though. It’s hard because a lot of the things he does are just exaggerations of how he already is if that makes sense?

Feeling tired and cold could indicate underactive thyroid though and that does have 'brain fog' as a symptom too so worth asking GP to check for that.

Sad to say OP that those were the same kind of early symptoms my Dad showed, and at around the same age as well. He does have dementia but it developed relatively slowly and he had a good quality of life for a good few years after. We also struggled with GPs in the early days, just be very firm with them and say you want the relevant tests done and a referral to a consultant. While dementia can't be cured, medication can slow its progress if you catch it fairly early. Dad is now late 70s and only recently had to go into a nursing home. So while it's obviously a difficult and upsetting thing, you might have more time than you think. But do fight for the diagnosis. If you want to PM please do. Hope it gets a bit easier for you

My aunt does have dementia, and ha sheen in a pretty steady decline.
She never was into “blue” humour before. By the time she got diagnosed she had lost her filter completely.
I know why you mean about getting the gp to listen. Is it worth out lining why it’s not stress? Is he retired? Financially secure? Connected to his family and friends? I know that’s not always how stress works but the gp should listen if he (your dad) says he’s got nothing to be stressed about.

Thank you for the replies, I keep falling asleep as I’m exhausted so will chat more in the morning! It really helps to talk this through, I’m so grateful

Op does he look after himself ok. Is it worth talking to organisations about dementia and see what they say. Outline what has been happening and that you been to see the gp but they are not that helpful.

One of the first things with my gran was that she started making rude jokes, sexual comments and swearing which she never did before. Keep an eye on it and get back in touch with the gp whenever you notice it getting worse.

If he does go back to his doctor it might be worth asking for a medication review, diabetic review and ask if it could be something like mini strokes or unstable blood sugar levels. Maybe they should do a full blood test. Hope you get it sorted.

The feeling cold is also a bit of a red flag for me. Both mil and dad showed this with dementia

If you doesn't want to go to the GP (and he may simply be petrified of dementia, I know I am), you could write to the GP setting out your concerns and asking GP to raise it. If the GP agreed, perhaps you could persuade your father to seek an appointment for an entirely unrelated ailment, and the GP could take it from there. Worked for my DH.

I would suggest trying to see the doctor again & insist on a test. Repeating conversations & short term memory loss are both subtle early signs in dementia, another one is self care. If you've noticed the same clothes being worn or maybe losing weight slightly it can also be a sign due to forgetting how to do some simple every day tasks.

The only reason I say this is because my nan was also very defiant & would insist she was okay, anytime we would point something out she would become very upset or if we tried to help with anything she would become angry & get annoyed with us. This resulted in her having a stroke due to secretly not taking her medication, we was all under the impression she was taking it regularly but she had put on such a good show that we were none the wiser, even her own son who lived with her didn't notice what was going on.

My nans always been a quirky person so we just assumed it was nan being nan but it was a devastating blow when everything came to light because we had all been convinced otherwise by her as she was so good at hiding it. Hopefully this isn't the case for your dad & if it is dementia it's something that be caught early enough to be helped with.

I would also say go with your gut instinct, he is your dad & if you know something isn't right then don't let a doctor pass you off, the 10 minutes they spend talking to your dad doesn't justify them making you feel like you don't know any better. He is your family & you know best. Hope this helps.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/frontotemporal-dementia/

Contact a charity like age concern for advice. Also another GP appointment. There's dimentia support out there too.
I feel for you

Slurring words is not so characteristic of dementia, ha she had an MRI?

I don’t think you can say the doctors keep ignoring it if it’s been 18 months since he was seen.

It could be stress or it could be early stage dementia. Stress plays havoc with short term memory because it interferes with making memories (so you don’t lose memories - you never make them). I have had a very stressful year & my memory is shot to pieces currently. There was a very stressful two weeks which is largely a blank.

It sounds as if a referral to a memory clinic would be useful but I think you need to work on your dad. He’s an adult with capacity so its entirely up to him whether he goes or not (by which I mean a doctor isn’t going to refer unless he asks or they have a direct conversation about it- you could ask the GP for advice but they can’t do much unless he agrees to go). There are drug treatments now for early stage dementia and the sooner they are started the better they work so it is worth getting early screening. Do you think he could be persuaded as a way of shutting you all up or proving you wrong?

worriedaboutdad it does sound as though it could be a form of dementia like FTD www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/types-dementia/frontotemporal-dementia I'm not on here every day because i run my own group on facebook so if you do want to connect with me feel free to join us www.facebook.com/groups/dementiaconnection/

Hi. We had GP saying my Nan had depression, needed a psychiatrist and put her on prozac. I contacted social services (I'm her next of kin) who put us in contact with the mental health team. By this point, she had threatened carers with a knife and threatened to take an overdose. They saw her then organised a dementia assessment. This showed that she had quite advanced alzheimer's and vascular dementia. Never take the GPs word for it if your gut instinct tells you they are wrong.
Wishing everyone on this thread strength. X

Hey, how is your dad doing? @worriedaboutdad111

i am going through the same