Dementia help for my sister.

[pudcat]

A long time since I posted in this forum for help with my mum. Now I am looking for help for my sister. She has been caring for the last 3 years for her 80 year old husband who has hydrocephalitis and cannot be treated. This causes dementia symptoms and mobility problems but not all the time. This last year he has started being aggressive and manipulative. She washes and dresses him, and does everything for him even though she has health problems herself. In the last 3 months she has had to cause the police out because he tried to walk to main road to throw himself under a lorry, he has taken the car keys and tried to drive the car. He has threatened her and insists she calls a an ambulance each time he feels ill and becomes so nasty when she doesn't. He in respite for two weeks at the moment and has had 2 sessions of aggressive behaviour in the home. Because they wouldn't call an ambulance and my sister would not ftech him home. Social services say that he does not meet the criteria to go in a home permanently even though she is terrified of him. They say that she cannot refuse to have him home, even though the Care Home and his doctor say that he should not come home. Her solicitor says he shouldn't but Social services say that because he has capacity some times then he does not meet the criteria. They have told her that it is her who must leave the marital jointly owned home. She is 72. What the hell is she supposed to do? Can anyone help please? The only asset they have is their bungalow, and no other money apart from pensions.

The carehome need to arrange for the doctor to do a capacity assessment. She can refuse to have him home if she feels he is a danger to himself or her, she can go to adult social services safeguarding team, and ask for a best interests meeting with assessments done by the carehome and his g.p. Who is paying for his respite care, she can refuse to take him home, let social services arrange transport knowingly to an unsafe environment.

Thank you. He is due another assessment next week but the problem is that he has capacity some days and not others. Social services are paying for respite but this is his last spell of it. She has tried to refuse to have him home but they say she can't. They tell her to remove herself from the situation and do no caring. I.E. leave him if he is incontinent and cannot get out of bed etc. Solicitor says she can get an injunction against him but where would he go. It is a sad situation. She still is fond of him and misses the old husband he was. It looks like he will come home and she will just have to call the police if he becomes a danger again. I have told her to keep her walking stick by the bed and her mobile phone on her at all times.

Oh dear, how awful for her. She may be at risk of abuse herself from him, this is a safeguarding issue for her, have you looked at the elder abuse UK site, also the safeguarding info for their local social services. They can't just say leave him to fall, be incontinent, hurt himself, I would ask whose responsibility it would be if either of them came to harm having highlighted your concerns.