Alzheimer's care home, London area, recommendations please

[OkapiWoman]

My mother has quite advanced dementia - doesn't really know where she is, can't remember if she has just eaten, seen a doctor, had a visit, thinks I am her sister... she has several carers but has no idea that she is getting any help or that all her meals have been provided for the last year. She is terribly anxious and depressed, and keeps having the miserable revelation that she is going senile. I don't think I can cope any more and I think it is time to try and get her into residential care. Can anybody recommend any friendly, kind, happy, not too fancy (the expensive homes look like they are all about hair salons and pampering), not too ugly (my mother is an artist and a snob), homes in or near London? I am completely overwhelmed.
Thank you

[MyYoniFromHull]

She can move out of the LA area but her social worker would still need to make regular checks, there's usually an annual review to check all is well. It can get a bit more complicated if she moves out of her usual area and then becomes LA funded ie stops being self-funded. But nothing insurmountable.

Do start looking, you may need to wait for a space to become available somewhere suitable. I'd also encourage you to choose somewhere that is easy for you/other loved ones to get to easily, somewhere you can pop in for 10 minutes several times a week is much easier than somewhere a good hour away that needs a day trip.

[Furrycushion]

I think you need to home in on an area and then visit plenty of them. Its a bit like "where shall I send my child to school?". There are just too many options! Decide on an area (at least a rough one and ask about specific homes. Good luck, it's a horrible process.

[toolateforbabyweight]

Appleby House in Epsom. I take my baby their for rhyme time with some of the elderly patients and have been been so surprised at how loving and caring all the staff are, the effort they put in to making the residents feel and Home and the place itself is a good mix of modern and homely plus they have residents pets

[chrissie28]

I agree I would look in your own area - the easier it is for visiting the more your Mum will gain and the less stress on you too. I also agree -start looking now - there are not all that many good homes around and it may take a waiting list for a decent one. The LA will defer payments while the house is being sold often - talk to them about it now so you know what you are doing.

[laptopdisaster]

Check out this company, you've had a recommendation for the Enfield one upthread and a relative of mine had good care in the Fortis Green one

www.springdene.co.uk/contact-us

[OkapiWoman]

Thank you MYFH. I am trying to get together a list and I'll just have to bite the bullet and start visiting. Do you think all the homes will let me in unannounced? It sounds a good idea, but also potentially a lot of wasted journeys if there is no one available to answer all those questions. Do they just let anyone wander about with the residents? Much as I think I should be let in to cross question anyone I find, I'm not sure I would be happy for that to be happening once my poor old mother is a sitting duck in there!

[MyYoniFromHull]

Yes, you wouldn't be roaming unaccompanied. I'd avoid mealtimes though. But in principle I would avoid places that want an appointment, you want to see what it's like when they are not expecting visitors

[Furrycushion]

To be fair, most places would want you to make an appointment, or at least to avoid their busy times (meals & personal care). I would still least phone ahead.

[malovitt]

Some places I visited wanted an appointment made beforehand because of staff ratios, others were happy to let you wander around communal areas where they had a lot of staff on duty. You usually get a feel for the place as soon as you walk in the door.

More important is finding a home where you will be able to visit whenever you like when your mother is a resident.

[OkapiWoman]

Good points, I would want to visit without an appointment. I didn't realise my mother would be taking her social worker with her. In fact she doesn't have a social worker as far as I know, but she does have a memory clinic nurse who seems to be in charge of reporting and advising about her.

[Penfold007]

I'm going along a similar path with my DM. I contacted adult social services and requested an assessment under the Care Act. Social Worker came to see DM at home to carry out the assessment. I was then provided with a written report and book of care homes locally. Perhaps similar might help you?

[Furrycushion]

The other thing that social services can do is sift out the ones that wouldn't be able to take her. Or at least this is what they did for my father but it may have been because they were trying to get him out of hospital. They sent a summary of his report to the homes that had vacancies & if they thought they couldn't meet his needs they said so. Someone from the home then visited to assess him & at that point we visited. You can of course visit wherever you fancy but depending on your mother's needs they may not be suitable anyway.

[Stephenfromhometouch]

Hi OkapiWoman,
Have you considered live-in care as an alternative to a residential care?
There are definitely some benefits to keeping an elderly relative in familiar surroundings, particularly if they're living with dementia.

My colleague recently published an article on this for my work -- hopefully it's useful! blog.myhometouch.com/is-home-care-better-than-care-homes

[chrissie28]

someone i know recently found a live in carer in The Lady and is very happy £450 a week plus taxes

[OkapiWoman]

Thank you everybody - yes we are trying the live-in carer at the moment. My mother hates it and is constantly surprised to find soemone in her house. She has thrown out two of the three we have tried, and I've had to be called in to let them back in. I was hoping she would get used to it but she doesn't seem to be able to remember the person is meant to be there, let alone who it is. She comes over to my house - I'm staying next door to oversee and cover the breaks - several times a day to tell me that there is a horrible man in the house (it's a girl!)... Not sure she would/will adapt to a home any better. I might try the Lady, Helping Hands is charging £1015 a week for this torture. I thought the familair surroundings point was crucial, but my mother keeps asking where she is, if it's her house, if there's a bathroom, does she have any clothes,.. so I'm not sure the surrounds are that familair anymore. It's really quite terrible.
Has anyone tried the 'Contented Dementia' SPECAL method of dealing with this? Ask NO questions, Agree with everything, basically devise and live in a fantasy world where the 'client' is an expert something or other from their past? I've been trying it but it seems impossible.

[chrissie28]

you might find this useful - it is similar to contented dementia - we used it all the time and made the carers use it too and I can't even begin to tell you how much it reduced my stress levels and my Ma's too - I didn't believe in it at all but my teens got the hang of it really quickly and coached me lololol We had it stuck on our fridge www.ocagingservicescollaborative.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf and if you haven't already joined my group please give it go www.facebook.com/groups/dementiaconnection/

[OkapiWoman]

Thanks Chrissie28, that is about as close to the 'contented dementia' method as I have been able to get. The whole 'theme' and everyone else in-on-the-delusion package is just too difficult. Your Compassionate Communication is a lot more achievable. I am trying... my mother is not the compliant type, so it's very hard not to ever argue, contradict, or reason.

[chrissie28]

I get that OkapiWoman - my mother was never compliant lol - and I have to say neither am I so I did sort of 'get it' even though it drove me crackers. Fortunately my 2 kids are much more easy going and so they taught me a lot. I used to get dragged into a discussion before I had realised where I was going with it - I can laugh about it now but at the time I wasn't sure which way was up. She used to say to me "I think you need to see a doctor, your memory really isn't very good these days" arghhhhhhhhhhhh but the thing is she was right - my memory was shot to bits with the stress xx

[OkapiWoman]

No, true, me niether. And I've never got on very well with her, so I guess I am primed to disagree with everything she ever says, especially as she is wrong about everything! i.e. : "that dog is in agony, is he my dog?" "No she is my dog mum, you don't have any dogs, and she is FINE!" Arrrgh...