My father is in his mid-60s. He's been in bad health for quite a while - he's very overweight, has had a heart attack, has a stent, is on statins, and drinks a lot too much (he's a functioning alcoholic, to be honest). He sleeps very poorly and I'm pretty sure he has sleep apnoea. My brother and I both think he's depressed. He's utterly resistant to changing his lifestyle, and I've given up trying to persuade him.
My dad divorced my mother years ago, has had a few partners but now lives alone, quite a long way away from me. He's a difficult man, and can be high-handed and dismissive. He's never been a good listener. He still works, in a job that requires a lot of mental effort, training and reading.
I've been wondering lately whether some of his behaviour might be signalling early dementia. But it's really hard to tell whether it's normal and age-related, caused by his lifestyle, or something more serious. It would be really useful to have perspectives from those who've experienced family members with dementia.
He repeats himself a lot. This has been going on for years. He'll tell you the same information phone call after phone call. It feels like it's got worse recently. On a recent visit I noticed him tell me the same thing twice in the space of fifteen minutes. He hadn't had a drink at the time. He also rang me recently to tell me he'd double-booked himself for a visit with us, something he'd already told me. He sounded surprised when I told him he'd already mentioned it.
His house is squalid. Again, it's never been in great nick but now it's actually filthy.
He can't remember names. Once again, this has been going on for years (I remember my mum complaining about this when we were small), but on his last visit he couldn't remember what a kind of fruit in the fruit bowl was called. He can't recall the names of any of my long-term friends, let alone short term (but this could well be indifference). He can recall the names of people he went to university with, and their families, instantly and in full.
He has terrible spatial awareness. Walking together along a pavement he'll edge towards you and then walk into you, repeatedly.
He's an adventurous cook, but told me at Christmas that he doesn't like to make recipes with 'great long lists of ingredients'. That never used to be the case. I wondered if he is actually finding it difficult to follow complex instructions.
He tunes out in group conversations, and gets very ratty if things aren't predictable, planned and limited to a few people. We spent some time with extended family over Christmas, around 10 other people, and he didn't join in the conversation. It was like he couldn't follow it.
On the flip side of all this, he is obviously holding down a complex job. Although it's really hard to tell whether there are any problems occurring there as I don't know anyone he works with - so for all I know there may be issues, and I'm just not aware.
All advice welcome.