Dementia and Driving. Cannot believe this......any support

[skiingnomore]

My mother is 78. Has been having memory issues for more than 5 years. Resisted a dementia diagnosis 2 years ago but we finally got memory clinic to push the issue and diagnose with mixed dementia.....vascular and alzheimers at the end of november 2017.

Mum is a widow. She is difficult and nasty. She has zero insight and judgement. She confabulates and lies extensively. She refuses to make any changes to her lifestyle such as writing things down. She cannot remember from one second to the next. She doesn't take her meds. She has withdrawn completely from family life. We organise everything for her. She cannot use the telephone or make arrangements and stick to them. She is a toddler ifykwim.

She cannot deal with any paperwork. We have registered her POA. Her car was un taxed and uninsured. She ordered a new kitchen and paid a 5k deposit and then forgot for 12 months.

3 moths ago for the umpteenth time she lost her car. We got her home via taxi late one friday night . The next morning she had no idea she did not have her car. We scoured the local city and eventually found it. took it home to our house. It was 4 days before she asked us where it was. no recollection of the event. we declined to return it to her deeming
her not safe to drive.

We have had 3 months of nasty aggressive backlash despite driving her everywhere she wanted to go . Today she had an independent driving assessment via the DVLA. when asked by the OT she could not say where she was; why she was there and what for ;what diagnosis she had ; what drugs she took and what illnesses she had.

She was taken out to drive round the local housing estate at less than 30 miles per hour and at the end of it deemed to be safe to drive and given her licence. The assessor said he would not explain the decision to her because there would be no point as she wouldn't remember the discussion anyway and just because she can't find her way and she loses her car all the time that didn't mean she wasn't safe to drive.

Anyone else join me in a chorus of WTF WTF WTF ??

Shall i give her the assessors number for the next time i need to rescue her and her car because she has no idea where she is or how she got there ?

Am really shocked OP. I think it's telling that the test was 30mph round a housing estate - I'm sure the assessor would balk at being taken for a trip on a dual carraigeway with your mother at the wheel.

So glad about your update.

I reported FIL anonymously to the DVLA. When they asked for his medical records he went to the GP who flatly told him he would say he was unfit to drive.

Helpfully during this time his car broke down flat battery All of us claimed it was massively difficult to fix and with none of us helping out his licence was sent back and the car sold.

It was a huge relief.

By this time he was also a regular in the bank every other day claiming people were stealing from him - the sooner you get her bank access shut down the better. He took up hours of time in the bank every week with his conspiracy theories.

Oh I hadn't read all the updates, sorry. Thank goodness she's off the road.

i had something similar with DF. He had been in hospital for 3 months, at death's door for a lot of that time and was so weak that a trip to the toilet (maximum 15-20 steps), with his zimmer, meant he had to sit in the loo for about half an hour afterwards before he could walk back to his chair. He honestly thought that he would be able to get down the two high steps from his front door, along a path, down about 12 steps with a dog-leg turn, and 50 yards along the street to the car and then be able to drive it. I had to bully his doctor into saying that he was no longer fit to drive, and made sure I was there when she did so. I was called every name under the sun and compounded it by reminding him that DM was killed in a car accident (she was a passenger) and I didn't want the match set. That gave me another foul-mouthed tirade, but he agreed to hand over his car keys and I got it sold.

i had to do similar with a friend's mother. We did remove the keys from her possession and she agreed to sell it, but flatly refused to use the taxi company we had organised an account with and many times complained that she only drove 'locally and slowly' therefore wasn't a danger. She also was so frail that actually driving a car would have been physically beyond her.

i am so glad that you have managed to sort this out. What a worry for you it must have been. I hope that you are able to sort out this 'builder' as well.