Moving Mum into care home tomorrow

[tactum]

I feel sick. She was only diagnosed in September and has deteriorated so rapidly. She knows what is happening and why - she isn't fighting it but is obviously incredibly upset and scared. My sister is with her today and overnight, and I am going up tomorrow morning to help move her to a home 5 mins from me.

How can we help her? Obviously taking photos/ornaments etc and we have no rush to sell the house so can get more stuff at a later date. I'm really really scared of tomorrow and the days after that, as I will be the only local support for her. I want to run away.

Any tips/reassurance? Just feel like we're being horrible people but know we aren't. I don't want to get upset in front of her but tomorrow may well be the worst day of her life.

Eek

I've been through this with my Dad.

Assuming all the options have been considered then you just have to keep telling yourself that you're doing the best/kindest thing. She will have professional carers on hand 24/7 to provide the care she needs. No family member can easily provide that.

We tried to make my Dad's room as homely as possible with photos and mementos etc.
Also took in boxes of biscuits/sweets etc.

I'm not sure what your thoughts are about her house? We didn't take Dad back there at all once he'd moved as we felt it would be too upsetting/confusing.

Try not to feel too guilty (although this is easy to say, I know).

Thanks Whippet, much appreciated. She won't return to the house again as its 120 miles away. I just keep thinking tomorrow will be a difficult day. But it is a day long - no more. The day after that may well still be crap but it can't be as bad as tomorrow. And so on. Ad nauseum...

My Dad has sadly now passed away, but my MIL is in a care home with dementia.
There are two things in her room which have been great for her:

A dementia music player: www.amazon.co.uk/Simple-Music-Player-for-Dementia-Retro-Red/dp/B01NAS8IOA?tag=mumsnetforum-21

and an electronic photo frame which her DH puts on for her when he visits
It is a very small care home though, and the staff are very caring - they put the music on while they are dressing in the morning and all sing along! It is preloaded with lots of her favourite music from the 50s and 60s.

I can fully understand your worry & upset we had to place my lovely mum into a nursing home a few weeks ago it’s heart breaking but her needs were too complex for her to remain at home
The home is cosy and warm and we know that she is well looked after my sister and I visit her alternate days and my dad is there all afternoon every day .. We have put photos and music in her room she seems happy .. I hope that all goes well j

I've been there this year too - its a tough time, but you know deep down this is the right thing. I hope it went OK.