I'm in a really difficult position here and I hope that someone might be able to offer some wisdom/give me clarity on this situation.

We live close to DH's grandparents who see my DC's very regularly. DH's GM is our go-to babysitter and his GF was diagnosed with dementia about 6 months ago.

Recently GF's health has declined, he is forgetting things easier and has started to get more aggressive if someone disagrees with him (which is usually me). He had started saying things which are homophobic, sexist, racist and things which have also been upsetting DS(3). Every time I do challenge him I feel guilty about it because I know that his illness is exacerbating what he's saying but I don't what my children to think that what he is saying is ok. As an example, he told DS he was going to nail him to the wall for being naughty, when I told DS that GF wouldn't do that he said that he would nail me to the wall too, which obviously upset DS. Today he got very angry when I told him that not all muslims are terrorists and murderers (he had tried telling me that they are all "the same"). He actually got quite angry and raised his voice.

I just don't know what to do. On one hand I want to protect my children from what he is saying but I know that if I try to talk to him about it that he will maintain that he is in the right, and I am wrong. I want to come to a solution that protects my DCs but means they can still have a relationship with him. Is that even possible?

Sorry it's long, I didn't want to drip feed. Thank you if you've read it all