How do you decide which is best? care at home or in a home?

[Lemoncurd]

Elderly relatives have always maintained that they want to stay together in their own home. This has always been very important to them, they have lots of local friends and neighbours and a constant stream of visitors.

They have had a live in carer since the summer who has been on hand to get one of them up, washing, assisting with getting them to the bathroom and providing meals for both.
The needs of the second relative have suddenly increased in the past couple of weeks. Dementia symptoms, memory, confusion and hallucinations and also dramatically reduced mobility. Everyone has been pushing for a memory clinic assessment asap since this started. GP and SS say they can't do anything until this happens but have tried to expedite it.
A second live in carer has been brought in in the meantime and it is possible to fund two live in carers.

The care agency seems to be suggesting that the relative with dementia should go into a home. Does there come a stage when they will be better off in a home? How do you decide?

This has been a very sudden, steep decline. Whenever I am with them they seem happy and comfortable enough and neither carer really has anything to do for most of the day, but I'm not there in the evenings when the carers say that it's much harder.
I want to stand up for their wishes, but is that really the best thing for them? Will care agencies refuse to provide carers past a certain point?
The dementia sufferer now actually believes they are already in a care home most of the time, but at least they are still together, it sounds like it would be quite difficult to find somewhere for both of them to go.

[intravenouscoffee]

Sorry to hear this, what a tricky situation.

I think the concern with the dementia sufferer is their safety. If the 2 carers are needed to assist one relative (eg: having a shower) that could leave the dementia sufferer 'unsupervised' when they might injure themselves or wander out of the house. I can see why a care Agency might refuse to continue care if this were the case as it puts them at too much risk.

Whilst I think it's great that much more effort is being put into providing care for elderly people in their own homes I think you often reach a point where it's just not sustainable and residential/nursing care is needed.

I would talk to the care agency and go from there.