Mum declined very rapidly and in crisis - No idea what to do!

[birdybirdbird]

Hi! A little bit of background:
My Mum has a long history of bipolar, epilepsy and historic alcohol abuse (sober for 2 years). Over past couple of years her memory has clearly been deteriorating and it is likely she has Korsakoffs (alcohol induced dementia) but this has never been officially diagnosed. She has had several hospital admissions this year for fitting and this seems to have lead to a much sharper decline in her memory. This leads us to this week...

Have just spoken to her neighbour who reports that in past week:
She is being increasingly aggressive - has gone round asking them to e.g. go to shop for her and then shutting, swearing, banging etc when they have declined (because the'd already got some bit for her!) She has accused the male neighbour of assaulting her - not true!
Has been withdrawing HUNDREDS of pounds from her bank account and then going to local post office to aggressively accuse them of stealing from her
Has had paramedics out at least 3 times (she has a carline button for epilepsy)
They've heard her shouting and swearing through the wall - possibly on the phone or talking to herself
She has burns from where she has dropped cigarettes and apparently has singed her hair somehow
Phoning various family friends multiple times per day to ask them to take her to shop, get cash for her, buy her things

The Dr has been out to her (as she refused to go to surgery) and has said 'her mind is shot to pieces'. He said she wasn't safe to live by herself or safe to be in the community. She would not go voluntarily to hospital and he said he wouldn't section her - though i wonder how much worse she has to get to be forced into hospital?! Paramedics asked for a home safety assessment as she is not coping in a 2 storey house, not sure if this has happened.

I am her next of kin and only family member in this country but live over 4 hours away. We also have a very strained relationship as my childhood growing up with her wasn't exactly rosy! I feel completely overwhelmed - my own mental health is fairly fragile - and I have no idea what to do next. She cannot come and live with me and I cannot afford to fund care for her. She owns half of her house, other half is in my name (and has been for many years).

Can anyone please give me some step by step suggestions of what I should be doing? It is clear she can't continue to live alone but I don't know what the next step is. Thank you in advance for any advice or hand holding you can give!

The doctor said her mind is shot to pieces and she isn't safe to live alone or in the community and yet he says she has capacity?! www.rethink.org/living-with-mental-illness/mental-health-laws/mental-health-act-1983/sections-2-3-4-5 read this - it's not totally up to him about whether she needs sectioned or not.

Have you spoken to her doctor - what does she suggest/what has she put in place? Spoken to Social Services? Chased the home safety assessment with her doctor's surgery?

I have just got off the phone with her GP - unfortunately it was another Dr from the surgery who did the home visit. She lives in a very poorly funded rural area and has long experienced pretty shit care with different agencies passing the buck...
GP is going to re-refer to social services on Monday (they had assessed her earlier in year but said there were no issues). I am waiting a call back from the 'out of hours' team as well - I want to make sure a ball has started rolling... GP will also speak to her psychiatrist to chase up the 'Young Dementia Team' referral he had supposedly done but we've heard nothing from.
I expressed that my main concern was that she seems to have declined very rapidly - the aggression is especially worrying to me as she has never been an angry person so this marks a huge change.
The neighbour is, understandably, very upset. She has young children etc and previously she has been really helpful, taking my mum shopping etc and now Mum has 'turned' on her so to speak. I suggested that she should possibly phone the police and/or for an ambulance if mum shows up again. Not sure f that's the right call but did;t know what else to tell her.

Not sure what else i should be doing, pushing for etc? Especially at 6 o'clock on a Friday!

Brontebiscuits - that link is very helpful. I'm just very new to all this. She'd been bobbing along ok and it's just all happened so quickly. Think I just have to keep calling everyone and making a nuisance of myself really. And suggesting that anyone else who has problems with her does the same.

Hi op. The same thing happened with my mum. We basically had to harangue the GP until he sectioned her. Awful but true and it was for her own safety. I'm sorry you find yourself in this position; it's shit. Hugs to you at this difficult time.

I have no experience in this, but that sounds like a sensible plan under the circumstances. It's so hard when you live so far away, hope you get some help with this soon

Really sorry OP. Resources are spread thinly and it is often he who shouts loudest.

I'd do a two prong approach at this point with GP and SS. Email them both and say you consider her to be a vulnerable adult and that you do not consider her to have capacity currently and that you consider her currently to be a risk to herself and her neighbour plus their children due the fire risk from the cigarettes and is no longer capable of self care.

Say you consider an urgent assessment to be done and failure to do this will constitute a safeguarding issue. Back up every conversation with an email, think paper trail.

Really feel for you

Email sent and copied to as many people and agencies as I could think of. Annoyingly will have to send a paper copy to the GP as there's obviously no email address listed on their website...

Thank you for your support everyone - I am sure I will be back soon with more questions!

Adult safeguarding referral ? You can do this to six services as an emergency

It's not necessary to go through Drs. Contact your local crisis team.