Need to unload as I can't really talk to anyone IRL about this.
A couple of years ago, my Dad went into hospital and slipped rapidly into a coma. He had been drinking a lot and displayed all the signs of a thiamine deficiency; after about 3 months he came to and was discharged from hospital a month later with a diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia.
After a week or so at home, he was - in his own words - perfectly fine. He could climb stairs, have a perfectly lucid conversation and was even declared fit to drive after a month or two. He stopped drinking, ate well and seemed to be back to his old self. He had been in such a bad way beforehand that he'd had the last rites and the hospital had been talking about him needing to go into a specialist care home shortly before he was discharged and appeared to 'turn the corner'.
And for a few months, everything went well.
Fast-forward a few months, and he has a meeting with his doctor who tells him - according to him - that it's OK if he has a drink every now and again. I'm a bit dubious but don't have any evidence to challenge this, and he seems to have it under control - for a while. Gradually he starts drinking more and being more and more apathetic about everything; starts saying odd things and doesn't seem quite right. Eventually I become aware that things really aren't right at all, that he's drinking a lot, not really eating at all and doesn't seem to be quite registering things (such as completely failing to recognise that DD lives in my house - she's six so not easy to overlook!). He is admitted to hospital and goes into a coma again.
His liver function and vitamin levels are apparently absolutely fine, but he has been diagnosed with either Korsakoff's syndrome or alcohol-related brain damage (nobody seems sure) based on his brain scans. All the doctors seem certain that the damage is irreversible and that he needs palliative care from here on in. He has aspirated liquids and had another crisis which we didn't expect him to survive, but he has pulled through and has moments of consciousness.
Doctors are talking about discharging him to a nursing home for palliative care as they are quite clear that all that can be done is to keep him comfortable; his family and friends are hoping that he 'turns a corner' once again and will make another miraculous recovery.
I really ought to be hoping the same, but I don't think I can cope with the uncertainty. I had resigned myself to the fact that Dad was on a downward spiral (have signed all the DNR documentation and so on) and wouldn't regain consciousness, and now that he appears to be doing so at times, I find it even harder. The week or so prior to my bringing him to hospital was one of the most dreadful periods I've had, and it felt like I was helping a complete stranger who happened to look like my dad (I also cared for my mum when she was dying of lung cancer - which didn't feel like this at all). DD is scared of 'Grandad acting weird' and I can't take the idea of going through it all again and again.
Sorry for the complete self-pity: everyone around is saying I need to be strong and upbeat, and I don't really feel like that at the moment!