DF with dementia becoming violent to DM. Complex care team visiting tomorrow what to expect??

[Fierceflora]

My df is 74 and was diagnosed with both vascular dementia and Alzheimer's nearly 6 years ago. He is in late stages now. But due to his age etx is still quite physically strong. Anyway last week he punched my physically frail mother and knocked her across the kitchen leaving some bad brushing and left her in some pain still. She's not well anyway having type 1 diabetes, breast cancer (she had a mastectomy a yr and a half ago- during which time my dad was put into a home for respite so she could recover bit it was disastrous- he became very aggressive and violent and after a couple of days i was asked to collect him as he had punched a nurse and threatened the other patients who were all terrified elderly ladies also with dementia ) anyway back to now. So my mum mentioned this incident to his cpn who has obv flagged it up and we are being visited tomorrow by her and complex care team. They have asked my mum to prepare a statement of my dad's finances and I am wondering whether they are going to try and force him into care? This would be fine except there are really only 2 locally (my mum can no longer drive and is reliant in me) and they re both full with waiting lists and one isn't keen to take him anyway as he needs full nursing care. Despite them both having specific dementia units.
I have 2 friends a with close family members with dementia who have apparently been 'committed' for violent behaviour and that it meant they didn't have to pay for care. But in confused by this. Where do they go? A care home? Or a hospital or what? Why do they need to know about his finances? This is all so stressful and I don't understand really what to do, it's all happening so suddenly now and my mum really relies on me to do her understanding for her!! If you have any idea on what to expect from this meeting tomorrow and time frames etc I'd be really grateful to hear about it.

Bump. Anyone?

Hi Flora sorry to hear this, it must be so hard for your poor mum. My father has AD with "challenging behaviour" (don't you just love a good euphemism). My mum died 20 years ago which was horrendous, but I was just reflecting today that if she was still alive, she'd be finding him impossible to manage. He has all day carers at home and often strikes out, calls them "bitch", you can imagine.
I suspect the complex care team feel there might be a safeguarding issue vis a vis your mum ie she is at danger from your father and action may need to be taken to protect her. Not sure who has ultimate responsibility in this situation, but they may well be thinking about professional accountability in case anything happens to your mum.
Elderly persons with dementia can be sectioned, or deprived of liberty (DOL). There is then the onus on the psychiatrist to find a bed for them in a psychiatric unit, which can be really difficult. When this situation presented itself with my Dad, it turned out there was nowhere in his county that could take him. An admission to residential care failed because he was too agitated there and the home manager said they couldn't take him.
In the event, with excellent home carers he has been able to stay at home, so far.
Concerning finances, some sections (as in being sectioned, there are different levels)may result in all care costs being paid for by the NHS.
Another avenue could be to apply for continuing health care, again the NHS would have to pay for all care costs if it is awarded. It is not awarded lightly as it will cost the NHS 10s of 1000s. I managed to get it for Dad on the basis mostly of his challenging behaviour. Google CHC if you haven't already done so. In my experience it is only ever awarded if a determined, well informed relative mounts a campaign (or unless you are terminally ill, which I assume your Dad is not).
Good luck, and post again if you want further info. The Alzheimers Soc talking point also has useful info.

Hi now I've seen your post my dad had vascular dementia and lived at home for 5 years even with my mum holding down a fulltime intense job it took a lot of juggling but sadly it got to a point where he was not safe and at one point had me by the throat but it wasn't him he was a loving husband , father and grandfather . sadly I think it's at a point where you have no choice to put him in respite until a social worker can find you a care home that is set up for patients with dementia .

My dad ended up going to a wonderful home but sadly passed away 6 months later. I would suggest call in at any time of day and your gut feeling your your poor mother can't take much more abuse .

Good luck