Parents health - time to think about care i think!

[JennyWescott]

So, over the past couple months i have witnessed my parents health slowly deteriorate in health, first it was my father who has been in and out of hospital and my mum was always fine, supportive and strong but the last couple weeks its like she has given up with the will to live. I am having to spend an increasing amount of time with them and think that I have to start thinking about full time care.

I hate to be the one suggesting they have to move in to full time care and so I am not sure how best to approach the subject with them. On the one hand I feel like it is their decision but on the other I am commiting so many hours to having to help them I am left exhausted, any advice please?

Gosh this is difficult as we have been going through the same thing on and off for a couple of years. Our old folk have made no provision for their old age whatsoever. Heads are firmly in the sand.

The first thing to do is you need help. You can't carry on like this.
I can't imagine that your Parents are going to agree to going into a home, ours adamantly will not, so you could start with providing carers in their own home which would relieve you of some of the responsibility.

You approach this by saying to them that you can no longer carry on with the level of care you are providing for them as you are exhausted. You suggest that they try carers for a start. You then contact your Social Services ( try your GP for useful numbers as they have seen this situation countless times) and make enquires. I don't know how it works in your area but we had a team come in and make an assessment. Initially our old folks got about six weeks free.
Eventually it will come down to paying. However, if only one of your parents need care then a financial assessment can only be made on that one person.

When we started to take control of our old folk. The first thing we did was get power of attorney. You can explain to them that if they don't allow you to get POA then someone outside your family will eventually control their finances and half their assets will go in paying them for doing it.

The second thing we did was get them a life line each. This enables them to call an emergency service ( instead of you) if they fall in the middle of the night etc.
Then we installed a key safe so that we and others could access the house. We also removed everything of any value to safeguard against Carers stealing.
Best of luck, you poor thing. We are also poor things, as ours are stubborn and impossible.