Violent behaviour in care home

[RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime]

I will try to keep this brief. Would really appreciate some advice as to what we should be asking for here and whether we are expecting too much.

My grandmother has been in a care home for about a year after it became clear that her worsening dementia meant that she was no longer safe at home with carers visiting. The home seems fine, she doesn't want to be there but since she lost my grandfather she doesn't want to be anywhere. Her dementia is not very advanced in that she can hold a conversation and always recognises us but can get confused as to where her house is, when things happened, the children's names etc.

A few months ago a new resident arrived, a man whose dementia is quite a bit worse. He does things like strip off in the lounge and urinate on the furniture. He's been targeting my dgm by trying to sit on her knee and going into her room during the day and night. He doesn't do this to anyone else but the other residents are also upset by his general behaviour. She has previously woken up during the night to find him in her room and been terrified. As a result the staff put an alarm on her door so they would be alerted if he went in again.

However this week she yet again woke up to find him in her room, naked, going through her things. She shouted at him to get out and he lashed out and hit/kicked (not sure) her in the stomach. Apparently the batteries were flat in the alarm

She is, of course, now very stressed by this situation and constantly on edge. She can't talk about anything else and is frightened of what he's going to do next. Am I wrong in thinking that this is totally unacceptable and the home must act to protect her by removing this man? I understand he cannot be held responsible due to his dementia but that doesn't mean my dgm should suffer.

Does anyone have experience or knowledge of this kind of situation? Thanks so much.

What a horrible situation for your family and your grandmother. You're right that this is not acceptable and I would take a very firm line with them about this.
They should have informed social services about this incident and there should be a 'safeguarding' investigation as your grandmother is a vulnerable adult. You should be invited to meetings and the home should produce a protection plan to say how they will safeguard your grandmother in future.
I would speak to the manager of the home and ask if they have informed social services. You could also speak to the safeguarding team at the local social services directly.

The alarm doesn't sound like it was successful in reducing the risk even before the batteries ran out. Some of the other measures the home could put in place could include one to one staffing for this man who clearly needs more supervision than he's been getting.

Good luck, your grandmother is lucky to have you to advocate for her and I would kick up a bit of a stink about this to ensure things improve.

Thanks for answering IWantDogger. I think they probably haven't informed SS though I have told my DM that this should be done. As it happens my aunt and DM are having a meeting with the home management tomorrow as the management want to move my dgm to a different unit because her dementia is "not bad enough". We don't want this as it was hard enough for her to settle in to where she is now and we think a move would be bad for her. Also, why would she be not bad enough now when she's been there for a year and was assessed as being too advanced for the other unit initially? We suspect they have a resident in the main unit who has worsened and needs her space.

I think we need to use this meeting to push the issue of this man rather than discussing a move for dgm.

I agree he at least needs one to one staffing to monitor where he is and what he's doing at all times but it's gone on so long now that dgm would still be upset to have him there with her.

It's so hard

Is it reasonably to ask that he be moved? I don't see how else it could be resolved.

How horrible for your poor GM, the home have a duty of care to protect her from this man and it sounds like he needs a more secure type of residential home.

My mum has dementia and is in a care home and she would be terribly distressed by something like this.

Good luck.

Thanks Sandy. The meeting is today so hopefully they will agree they have to address this.

It's so tricky because the other man also needs care somewhere. He should be managed better but sadly this type of behaviour (attempting to go in others rooms) is not uncommon for people with advanced dementia.
In all honesty, if it were me, I would want to be on the lowest support unit appropriate for me as in surrounded by others with less advanced dementia, although I see your point about unsettling your grandmother and them previously saying she wasn't suited to the other one. It's a toughy but she may benefit from being around people with less challenging behaviour and with whom she can converse more.