Best plan of action for DM with Alzheimer's?

[xpatmama]

Hello, looking for some thoughts as to the best plan of action.
My DM was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and is on the relevant drugs etc. I live in a different country but fortunate in that a family member is currently living at home and other support available.

My DM is relatively stable, and not toooo bad but does get tired and confused, am not sure it would be good for her to live alone for long periods of time. Am discussing with the family member to sort out a daily carer visit just to check in, especially if they are away (and they will be periodically).

But the question I had is, what is really the best plan of action? Keeping her at home and gradually increase carer time, possibly even a live in carer or already look for sheltered accommodation while she's still relatively ok?

Bearing in mind she'll likely resist all interventions since her perception is that she's ok for the time being.

Financially she has some property assets but have to say am not sure about whether she'd have enough income to pay for a live in carer. (We have all relevant power of attourney etc so something on my list is to find out the exact situation.)

Anyway, suppose just looking for your thoughts as to what to bear in mind, if you know of any really great places for people in her situation etc....? So difficult to arrange anything as well when she's unwilling to face realities (understandably....:-().

Bump!

I am sorry to hear about your Mum's diagnosis. It is a hard decision to make on steps forward. Speaking to the Alzheimer's Association may help you explore some options as you look for the best options.

I can only speak from experience supporting my Grandfather with the illness. He began to show signs of Alzheimers in 2008, with a formal diagnosis a year later. At this point, he was living with my parents and didn't need much day to day care. Over the next year, that situation changed and he required full time care. We initially used carers as my parents were working, but eventually my Mom had to become his full time carer which was very difficult for both of them. At the start of 2011, 2 years after his diagnosis, this got too much for both her and my Grandfather to cope with and he moved into a care home arranged by his gp. He hated it there as it wasn't particularly well tailored to his needs (he is blind as well) but moved into a specialist dementia/Alzheimers unit within an Erskine care home in late 2011, and is very happy there. He is now in the late stages of the disease, but much more at peace than before as he is living somewhere he receives support and daily interaction as he needs.

How long can your family member stay living with your Mum? Are they willing to take on the role of carer if necessary?

We found that although some of the carers were wonderful, we really had to be on stop of them constantly for his needs to be met properly. I would be concerned how well you could go that from far away if necessary.

Can you speak with your DMs gp over the phone? Ours was invaluable in discussing care options.

Hello Barmy, thank you very much for your response. Unfortunately there is no way the family member can become a carer due to their job. There is other family closer.

Good point that might have to be on top of carers all the time. Will look into the erskine home and conversations are being had with the GP.

I think that if possible, I'd look to try and move your mum to a care home, ideally one where she could be a little more independent to start with and progress through, while she has a chance to understand the move and enjoy the facilities.

Unfortunately right now CMOT she would resist with every fibre of her being...

Anything that really looked like a 'care home' that is. Maybe some fancy 'sheltered accomodation...'

We went through this, although not Altzheimers. We ended up with carers full time. She hated them, but the alternative was a home which she would have hated more.

Get advice from Age UK as to what she is entitled to, and from social services. There is a small in means tested grant. Age UK also do a befriending service if your relative needs some hours off. And there will be local agencies whom social services use.

It's awful.

One of the ladies on here found her mum a home which had apartments in the grounds as well as the main house which was able to provide flexible care.

There are some really nice new homes out there - for instance this place looks totally unlike most peoples idea of a care home

Thanks ancient and cmot.

Been doing a bit of browsing and found a consultancy called grace consulting that provides advice. Am wondering if she might accept a 'consultation' to discuss options, which may seem more acceptable, more like seeing a lawyer...

She may well be fine at home with some care input for some years yet if her illness is mild. Many people manage with care calls 2 to 4 times daily and don't need constant supervision unless lonely, wandering, falling or at risk of accidents at home. Going out to a day centre one or more times a week is also an option

Make sure she has claimed for attendance allowance and has got a will and LPAs in place as you may come to regret it later if she's no longer able.

AD soc are a really good source of info and will do 1:1 home visits. They will know loads about local options

Social services benchmark is about 23,000 savings. If she has more than this she pays the full cost of care (doesn't take into account the house whilst she lives there but will if she goes into care). Largely you get what you pay for with care and private agencies are better.

If she was willing to move you can get 'extra sheltered accommodation' where you have your own flat in a complex often with onsite restaurant and onsite care team and then you buy in care as you need it. A lot of people prefer this to a straight care home.

My mums very sheltered housing is run be Retirement Security Ltd. Its been perfect for her and means she can be as independent as possible and yet safe. It should delay her going into a care home by a few years.

The disadvantage is you have to buy the flat. However unlike some other retirement properties, residents control key decisions on services.

They have developments in several parts of the country. I think there are other similar providers.

Do join us on the Elderly Parents section. There is more traffic. I don't think I am the only one to be uneasy about MN taking sponsorship from a private care provider. (Think of the outrage if they did that with education.) Plus banishing dementia to a separate section as if mental illness as a part of aging is somehow taboo.

Ok thanks needs and mama! Very useful and food for thought. Will surely pop to elderly parents as we negotiate next steps.