Poor CMOT, and others. So many heartbreaking stories.
I have been more or less absent for a while, partly because things have been pretty stable. However though my mother's memory scores are holding up, I can see her slowly losing skills. Hopefully she can stay where she is (in very sheltered accommodation) for a while, but I have have made a mental note to spend a day or two in the summer looking at dementia care, so I am prepared when the next crisis comes. If only she would accept help from carers.
(I finally became exasperated by conversations where she would agree that it was important to wash, and then when I booked the extra care time, simply refuse, so ran the bath when I was down. She claims not to like showers, but then could not get out of the bath. Tip for anyone who finds them self in this position is to drain water, dry person and bath, and then stick the bathmat in the bath under the person...hey presto. Its a shower next time.)
The thing that is getting to me is the lack of appreciation and feedback. Having gone through a stage where she was genuinely happy, presumably relief that she was freed of the worry and loneliness that she had when on her own, she has now started complaining to me and just about everyone else, that she is bored. I can't solve this. Old age is ghastly. I can make her life comfortable but not interesting. Not if she did not nurture an interest in Grandchildren, gardening or other things years ago that she could have kept up now.
Part of the problem is that she is not really sure who I am. She managed to complain to the lady from the memory clinic that her children never visited, and I was in the room. I think I am simply this rather bossy person who shows up with admin stuff, or to take her for a medical appointment, and who "interferes". She also claims, to whoever might listen, that I am taking financial advantage. There was a lovely visit where she was pretty lucid and thanked me for being there, but since then it has been grim. Her worst characteristics, the ones that use to bug me as a child, have come to the fore, as she loses the ability to maintain social niceties or exhibit empathy. At the same time the Attorney requirement to manage her assets actively and well, is a real millstone. She (and I appreciate we are very lucky here) does not need to earn more, and I don't want my life dominated by the admin associated with managing her affairs.
We have bought a flat near her which should make things easier to both keep an eye on her care and on her rental properties, and save my back from the toll cause by 5 hour round trips. Part of the idea was that it would then enable me to visit her socially and to take her out, without the burden of tasks and chores and the need to rush back to London. Now I find that I don't really want to see her. Or maybe there is not enough of her left.
Sorry this is long. And very much first world problems compared with what others are facing. But draining all the same.