3 WEEKS LEFT UNTIL MY WORLD CHANGES.

[scaredpops]

just a quickie,im 33 i have 3wks left before i'm a dad and to be honest i'm pooping myself about it. i've never had any baby/child involvement in my life and haven't got a clue on how to deal with it. crying,feeding,sleeping not breaking it when i pick it up.everything really.
anybody got any tips??

To be honest, for the first few weeks, if not months, your job is supporting your partner. If she's breastfeeding, she'll be dealing with the brunt of the feeding and sleeplessness.

Make her meals, keep the house clean, take the baby out for a walk and a nap so she can catch up some sleep herself.

The first six weeks or so - until the first smiles - are pretty tedious from the Dad's perspective (according to my DH). You can still get out to the pub or go for meals cos the baby will spend most of the time asleep. There will be plenty of opportunities to do nappy changes which are fine. And you won't break it.

No-one knows what they are getting into with their first. We held hands and watched DD1 asleep in the carseat once we got home from hospital and had no idea what to do next. In the end we had a cup of tea - even that felt odd.

But it'll all settle down - and one day you'll look at your child and feel like your heart and soul has taken up residence in that tiny body.

Enjoy - and best wishes to your partner for the birth.

what a lovely post duchess.
describes it perfectly.

relax and enjoy your new son/daughter.

Don't worry about it! It's a blast (and I was HUGELY apprehensive - even negative before DD arrived). DoA makes some good comments, though I would disagree about the tedium bit - but perhaps that's because my DD was C-section (and we were abroad with little/no support network) so I had a fair bit to do.

I know what you mean about the 'breaking it' bit though! At the very first, it seemed as if everyone but me knew how to hold the baby etc. - but do make sure you get involved as much as possible. Don't be scared. It's surprisingly easy and natural. Humans have been successfully rearing their young for millenia - amazingly for much of that time without the assistance of the internet!

Aw scaredpops - if it helps (and probably it won't) my exDH was exactly the same and right up to the birth kept saying "I've just got this feeling I will be a crap Dad".

Seven years on he has proved tp be anything but crap as a Dad and even though we are no longer together he plays an active and enthusiastic part in his son's life. DS utterly adores him.

Go with your instincts when your DS/DD is born - you will soon be holding the baby under one arm and changing the cot with the other as blase as anything.

Relax, don't be scared - just coming on out here and saying "hell I'm scared" shows you are already thinking about your baby and wanting to do the best thing for him/her - that counts for an awful lot. Many Dads out there are Dads biologically only - takes a proper bloke to be a father.

I'd suggest using the last few weeks to do those spontaneous things like going to the pub for dinner when you don't want to cook, going to the cinema on impulse because once junior has arrived, they'll be a thing of the past for a good few years.

Newborns tend to cry if they're hungry, have wind or feel unconfortable (full nappy etc...) If mum is breastfeeding, you can't help much with that unless she ends up expressing milk and you bottle feed junior.

If the baby is crying, one way to soothe him/her is wrap them in a blanket, hold them to your chest and either gently walk around or stand in one spot gently swaying from side to side (best done at home) to calm them down. Don't worry about damaging junior or holding them the wrong way. Just remember to support the head and cradle him/her in your arms.
As daft as it sounds, practice with a doll or something that's baby sized. The midwife will show you how to hold a newborn and once you've done it a couple of times, ir becomes second nature.

Finally, if you're there at the birth, have a go on the gas and air. It's really good stuff.

Best of luck.

Scaredpops

I am about the same age but my eldest son is now nearly 10. everything you are feeling is totally natural as you are about to be given the most important job of your life.

I know this is not going to help hugely, but as soon as he/she pops out instinct kicks in and before you know it 6 weeks will have past. and you know what, it won't be broken, you'll be feeding and changing it and will be the proudest person around.

Having a child is the most fantastic thing that will ever happen to you, and the love you will feel for them will blow you away. I also agree about supporting your partner at first, she will have her hands full (literally) and will appreciate you doing the jobs she normally does. Just be attentive and help out where needed. But above all enjoy it as they are not baby's for very long and take lots of photos.

Best of luck.

I was the same but you just cope. Planning is a good step, trying to anticipate rather than being reactionary. There is no book on it, you just write that as you go along.

I'd try to sort work out so that at least in the beginning you have a fairly accurate schedule and can be relied upon to be there. That will add stability.

I knew nothing about kids but it isn't rocket science. Go with your gut instincts.

No-one has a clue first time out. No-one. The best thing you can do is, bizarrely, don't concentrate on the baby; concentrate on supporting the new mum. That'll give the kid the best start in life possible. Good luck mate :)

You'll be fine. My dh was just the same - we had a very difficult time during the first pregnancy as he was scared shitless and was dreading the birth. For about 3 months after dd was born he was pretty much in shock and spent a as much time away from us as possible. I've never felt so unsupported in my life during that period. I also had pretty bad postnatal depression, which wasn't caused by, but certainly was made worse by dh's attitude.

Fortunately once dd started to smile and interact more as she got older, he felt more involved. I had to go back to work when she was 5 months old, and dh's job had just ended, so he was a sahd with her for 3-4 days a week. They got on famously and now are incredibly close. She just adores him!

We now have ds who is just turned one, and dh has been a lot more honest about frankly not feeling that involved for the first few months. I can, thankfully, see them getting closer and closer as ds develops.

Dh is still a sahd to them both for 2-3 days a week and he is brilliant at it. I think the fear and feeling useless is very common in men, but men tend to get completely sidelined during the whole pregnancy/delivery/baby period, tbh, and get very little support.

We have been through a difficult couple of years but are feeeling finally that we have the child-rearing thing slightly under control now! It's the most difficult job I've ever done, but most rewarding too.

Even if you feel numb, you can be a fantistic support to your dw by keeping her fed regularly (!), making lots of drinks, keeping the house clean and tidy (I know everyone says it doesn't matter, but I used to get very anxious about this). Get a sling for the baby, the wraparounds like Moby are great and sooth the baby by being close to you. Good for a walk or for doing things round the house with baby in tow.

Although you'll probably be surprised how often a newborn will sleep, just make sure you are ok changing a nappy and giving a feed if you are using formula or expressed breast milk. Make sure your dw can get the occasional break, even if it's just a walk to the shops, a candlelit bath, go to get haircut, etc without her having to fret that you can't cope for an hour or two. If you are lucky enough to have family or close friends nearby, then take advantage of offers to babysit, even if just for an hour or two, so you and dw can have a walk to the pub for a sit down and some time together. If not, then try as hard as you can within a few weeks to get some time together in the evenings just to eat dinner together and relax as a couple.

Good luck, and don't feel bad if you feel like a bomb has hit your life and relationship for a while. It has! You just get on with it and eventually realise after a while that the bomb was a good thing.

oh, and if you don't feel a fantastic close connection immediately your baby is born, don't worry. It will come in time. I get heartily sick of hearing people talk about this; personally I didn't feel that fierce rush of love until about 6 weeks in, and clearly for dh it doesn't happen until 6 months onwards. Idon't think either of us are worse parents for it!