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Male pov needed.

10 replies

notreallyabloke · 16/02/2010 21:51

Ok i have named changed only because i dont want my normal id flashed all over active cons. I am either DEM or WCTR depending on mood. Also i am hiding this here as i dont want mush. I want practical tips and advice, with at most a pat on the head. And i especially dont want trin...ity.. to read as it is an issue a little to close to her right now in some respects.

Nearly 10 years ago there was an accident, someone i loved died but i survived it. It was about this time of year and i had difficult choices to make. Did them because they were medically right not necessarily emotionally right. It destroyed me at the time and the rebuilding process has taken time. during this time i met now ex and has a fab ds. Things are mostly ok with ex and we now are more friends and kind to each other then when together. It has taken time to recover from that relationship.

Now, i am beginning to feel ready to take an emotional risk, but recently despite thinking i was doing well trin's threads have brought a lot back. Cant read have to hide, and this year it has been especially hard. Would you enter into a relationship with someone knowing this history or would you prefer less emotional baggage?

And how can i address my demons?

OP posts:
retiredgoth2 · 16/02/2010 22:04


Some common ground (I'm a widower now in a new relationship) so will hazard an attempt at an answer..

Lives are short. You and I know this all too well. So (whilst not being actually reckless) don't be too risk averse. There simply isn't time..

Emotional baggage? Anyone who has lived a few years either has such baggage or is astonishingly boring. No, it won't put anyone genuine off. In fact, someone who cares for you will want to aid in carrying the burden..

Addressing demons??

Phew. That's harder. But I think it reasonable to assert that the simple recognition of them is a beginning. Maybe, just maybe, taking that emotional 'risk' might be what you need to aid in this. And maybe the fact that you are considering such a move is an indication that the process of 'addressing' has begun...

Good luck!

TrinityIsFallingApart · 16/02/2010 22:13

I dont think baggae outs off people who are genuine;y kind
if someone wants to be with you then they want to be with 'all' of you iykwim


hmm not sure
counselling has helped me alot with millions of issues I had before neil died

I'm waiting on more counselling now

I'm sorry that I have upset you
I'm sorry that you have had to deal with what you have had to deal with

I hope you dont mind me posting
I'm sorry i was nosey about what kind of male pov was needed

good luck and always reach out for help

TrinityIsFallingApart · 16/02/2010 22:14

and obviously I meant baggage, puts, genuinely and demons

hmm wish I could type

notreallyabloke · 16/02/2010 22:15

Thank makes sense.

I guess in order to learn how to trust and allow people into my emotional space, i must try accepting that it wont be easy and i wont always get it right? That about the gist?

blooming heck it is going to take someone special to cope with that...

Thank you. wise words appreciated.

OP posts:
notreallyabloke · 16/02/2010 22:20

Flaming heck trin - going to have to pick a better thread title next time. It only uspest me as i didnt realise how raw some of the emotions still are. And how hard it is to see someone else go through it. It was easier for me as there were no kids involved. I neally volunteered to day trip up to help you. Wasnt quite strong enough and was a bit too far.

I cant cope with councilling, i cant handle the emotions. Facts are ok, emotions are just something i dont deal with. Especially with people i dont trust. and trust is a bit issue for me.

You hang in there, it does get better, but it takes time. and there are always odd days which arent so great. You'll get there. You have many friends here, and the poewr of that support is amazing.

OP posts:
TrinityIsFallingApart · 16/02/2010 22:21

lol sorry I thread crashed

I'm nosey as hell

DidEinsteinsMum · 16/02/2010 22:25

You sound more positive today? Worry about you sometimes.

TrinityIsFallingApart · 16/02/2010 22:40

more positive just now

heating is broken(stuck on) and mastitus sucks but I have people coming to be with me and help me with the house so things dont feel hopeless atm

notreallyabloke · 17/02/2010 20:16

Hey retiredgoth2 thank you. i think i just needed to hear it was ok to move on. It was ok to let the past go. You advice has let me settle and have been much happier and at peace today as a result. hopefully long may it continue. The future will be what it is, but i am no longer letting the past stop me. Thanks.

OP posts:
3point14 · 01/05/2010 01:38

The greater risk is inaction which can lead to lost opportunities and the thought of those is harder to live with. I know, I live through them daily.

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