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Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

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Original poster

I want to know your experiences of breast feeding???

13 replies

catzy · 20/03/2009 10:19

Hello Dads, sorry to gatecrash

I am writing an essay on the pro's and con's of breastfeeding from the fathers point of view. And would appreciate any of your feedback, experience's or memories??

I am surprised how little information and support is available for fathers on this subject as it all seems to be about the mother.

I breastfed both of my children and my husband had very little to do with it (obvious i know) but I mean with the decision. I never asked how he felt about it. It was not until I started researching for this essay. I found out that he didn't like seeing me breastfeed. He felt left out and felt it affecting his bonding with our boys. He never said anything because he knew 'breast was best' and wanted that for his children.

Did your partner breastfeed?
Did you discuss breastfeeding before or after birth?
Did you feel left out?
Did you choose not to breastfeed?
Did you have a difference of opinion on whether you should breastfeed?
Were you unable to breastfeed and how did you feel about this.

Any of your opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
Catzy

OP posts:

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sarah293 · 20/03/2009 10:21

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DadInsteadofMum · 20/03/2009 13:40

No
Before
No
Yes-DW wasn't producing had intended to bf
No
It happens

Very blokey answers but only to be expected in Dadsnet

NK65alot · 22/03/2009 00:55

Breast fed.
Yes, we both thought it was the best thing.
No, although I agree it is nice to hold a baby and bottle feed it. There seems to be plenty of opportunity for that though.
Breast feeding wasn't as easy as we expected and often the baby would be on the breast for a considerable amount of time. This made is harder on the mother but I was very glad not to be pushed out of bed to feed in the middle of the night!

thumbwitch · 22/03/2009 01:51

Can answer for DH as well as we have discussed this a fair few times before:
Did your partner breastfeed? YES
Did you discuss breastfeeding before or after birth? BOTH
Did you feel left out? YES and NO - relieved at not having to do bottles and not having to get up in the night; but early bf'ing took up to 2 hours at a time so felt a little excluded.
Did you choose not to breastfeed? NO
Did you have a difference of opinion on whether you should breastfeed? NO - although there is now a difference of opinion on how long it should go on for - I am hoping DS will self-wean, but if he doesn't I will have to do it for him before he is 2 (as that is DH's limit of acceptance)
Were you unable to breastfeed and how did you feel about this. N/A

nooka · 22/03/2009 03:14

dh says it was "a total non-issue" for him. We talked about it before, I guess, but it was a bit of a given that that is what I would do. He thinks it is dismissive of a dads role to think that bf should have anything to do with bonding, and he wasn't really that bothered when I stopped either.

NK65alot · 22/03/2009 14:23

Interesting follow up to this would be how men feel about seeing other mothers BF in public. Before I became a father probably I would have been very shocked and would have "run away" from the situation. Now I find it a very beautiful thing and would feel comfortable only of course if it does not involve DW I have to turn away so as not to become a voyeur.

Original poster

catzy · 23/03/2009 20:27

Thank you all for your answers.

it's interesting, most of the fathers I have spoken to have said that the pro's are not having to night feed and cons are feeling a little left out and feeling guilty when their partners are exhausted and they can't take over from them.

2 out of about 50 have said that they had issues over their partners breastfeeding and have never told them - mainly over them feeding in public or family/friends! Most thought and still do think it is beautiful thing. Am really enjoying this topic as i've never really given the fathers point of view much thought before.(sorry dads).

On the subject of public breastfeeding. Most thought it was fine to do but didn't know where to look when it was not their partner. I have not spoken to any men who are not fathers. Maybe I should. Or find some dads to be.

Thanks again.

Any other comments are welcome.

OP posts:

twopeople · 11/04/2009 15:26

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DaDaDa · 15/04/2009 15:59

Did your partner breastfeed? - Yes
Did you discuss breastfeeding before or after birth? - Yes
Did you feel left out? - Not really. DW felt a bit isolated at times during the long evening feed but we were trying too hard to get a routine too early. Next time I'd try to persuade her to stay in front of the telly.
Did you choose not to breastfeed? - No
Did you have a difference of opinion on whether you should breastfeed? - No
Were you unable to breastfeed and how did you feel about this. - No

I gave expressed milk (and then formula later) at the last feed after a few months, and it did feel good to have some time alone with DS. But I was more gung ho for the health benefits of breast milk than DW if I'm honest - hopefully I didn't pressure her though.

BlingDreaming · 15/04/2009 16:09

I can answer the public breastfeeding thing on behalf of DH and his best friend (who is single)....

Neither of them is comfortable with seeing women breastfeeding in public. DH (who, with me, is ttc), thinks it's lovely but is never sure what to do with himself or where to look.

His single friend is slightly freaked out by the whole idea!

singledadof2medway · 04/05/2009 09:45

i had no say but would have prefered breast feeding as it is best and most natrual, didnt mind the night feeds but i ended up doing nearly all of it! but that was cos exp wouldnt wake up! lazy cow

WowOoo · 04/05/2009 09:51

Can speak for my dh here if it helps.

He was totally supportive of me.

He did feel a little left out and wanted me to express and introduce bottles at 5 months ish so he could have that special feeding bond. Did this at 6 months for a break myself!

Was not too embarrassed in public. Was just quite protective of us.

He agreed with all the pros.
Cons only that he couldn't help more when I was exhausted and that he felt left out.

Also that my breasts were out of bounds for him and just for baby. Agreed it was a small price to pay for ds health and wellbeing.

smallchange · 04/05/2009 10:05

Dh and I were speaking about this recently.

He's really happy ds was bf and was v supportive from the start. However he found it hard when I was struggling at the start and wanted us to switch to formula (in hindsight he's glad we didn't).

The only thing he'd change would be wanting me to express for one feed a night. We had quite a discussion about this because in the early weeks when I was doing a lot of expressing there was milk for one feed (or more!) a night and he didn't bloody get up to do night feeds! I've not got great memories of expressing so personally I wouldn't be willing to do it just so he could bottle feed once a day and he was very involved in lots of other ways.

The other thing we didn't agree on was when to stop. He felt uncomfortable about me bf after 12 months and the (fairly subtle) pressure from him and the (less subtle) pressure from those around me led to me stopping earlier than I would have wanted. He still feels it's "strange" to bf an older baby. I'm sad about that.

He had no problems about bf in public.

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