Sensitive subject...but I need male opinions

[Janos]

I'm really embarrassed about this but I'm gonna ask it anyway. Not posting it relationships forum cos I don't want this to turn into a big debate about the rights and wrongs of porn.

My partner reads girlie mags. I thought I was cool with this but after reading them (asked if I could have a look)I feel awful. Take about curiousity killed the cat!

It's not really to do with the content (ok it is, in a way just badly phrased....blahhh..)

Now I feel horrible. I really do feel like he must prefer these women who are all much younger and a lot prettier than me (I'm also a little overweight too, just a few pounds, still fairly slim).

You may think I'm being daft or rolling your eyes think 'for god's sake' but I really am feeling pretty horrible about this.

I told DP how I feel and he reckons I'm being 'too negative'.

Guess I'm asking..is that all true? Is he secretly hankering after some young lovely thing and making do?

Thanks for reading all that.. advice/reassurance/pat on the back/kick up the bum..all welcome!

I'm not a bloke but what do you mean by "girlie mags"? Nuts? Loaded? Or hard-core stuff?

Also, are you really saying this incidence is the 1st time you have looked/been aware of their content? If so, you must have had a sheltered life (no offence to you, just seems strange for you to get this sudden aversion to them).

Have you asked him to give them up? He might if you can make him understand how much it upsets you.

Honestly though, 99.9% of blokes are totally aware that the images they are looking at are airbrushed/unrealistic etc. Ask any men, they will tell you they prefer the real thing, flabby tummy/cellulite 'n' all.

Blimety, didn't explain myself too well.

I do mean hard core, but nothing nasty or that I would find offensive IYSWIM.

I don't have an aversion to them per se and am fully aware of the content (seen plenty before). In fact I asked to look!

I wouldn't expect him to give them up.

It's more me thinking..oh blimey, I don't compare, I'm too fat etc...he's a bit younger than me plus I have the old stretchmarks/mummy tummy. Not huge but a little bit chubby.

I am not male, but I have discussed this with my DP many times, and I have just double checked with him again. I am reasonably neutral myself about porn as a moral issue.

He tells me that he thinks men are biologically programmed to seek out multiple visual stimuli, and shag as many women as possible, to spread seed and so on, but this is a primitive impulse that they don't particularly feel the need to act on when they are in loving relationships. Porn is a kind of sweetie jar, removed from real life. It's pretend play, or a fantasy game, tapping into this primitive impulse.

Female partners are in a different, more real, privileged category. Apparently it's nice when they make a bit of an effort with their appearance, but in terms of who they are rather than looking like a porn star or Barbie doll. In fact DH said he would actually be pretty scared off by that.

Hope that helps reassure you a bit. I would be interested to know what other chaps think.

No advice but i am the same. I hate DH looking at anything like that so he doesn't. He will look at AOL news totty but i don't even like that tbh.

I am sooo insecure but he's such a nice DH he panders to my sillyness.

you are not silly agal, some people just really don't like it

different strokes 'n' all that

sorry janos, hope you are not offended that I slightly got hold of the wrong end of the stick but you did come across as rather naive

Actually BoffinMum that does help a bit, thank you. I like your "sweetie jar" phrase. That makes sense actually

aGal I don't think you are silly either, and hate when people are belittled for feeling that way.

No offence taken anyfucker.

My idea of girly mags was that it was just naked women posing but apparently not! (This I remember from finding my Dad's 'stash' when I was younger).

I was quite shocked...maybe I am naive.

But not offended by what people were doing but because they all look so young (yes I know they are over 18) and I felt..well, old, frumpy, fat, not with it etc.

just wait till you get to my age

anyfucker I like your style, and you've made me .

See most threads like this have loads of people saying it's normal for all men to want to/need to look at naked women on a regular basis and that men are programmed to have to.

I have always disagreed. It makes me feel crap when he has had a perv look at other women.

Thanks for that anyfucker and jamos xx

I am a male/bloke [keeps to theme of opening line].

It is a staple diet of a young bloke imo and yes as you get on in years you start to realise the fakeness of it. But blokes tend to be very visual and/or physical by nature. My DP has been privy to what i have looked at in the past (which raised a from me) and she literally rolled her eyes at me, with a 'tsk' I am better than that.

And Yes she is. Won't stop me looking occasionally, fantasising occasionally, as we all do in our own way, but I am still true to her.

Thanks stubble it's really good to hear a male viewpoint on this. What you say makes sense.

From a female point of view I'd say my (immediate, kneejerk) was feeling jealous, inadequate and insecure. But reading your comments and others..and thinking about it logically,(doesn't reflect on his feelings for me etc) I feel better.

AGal I totally understand where you're coming from and that's why I started this thread in Dadsnet..didn't want the 'usual' crowd jumping on it, with all that entails.

I mean my reaction...sorry, really should preview

My dad was v flirty and i believe he had at least one affair when i was very young. He is an awful letch and has coloured how i look at men.

DH is not at all like my dad btw,but i still feel crap when he looks at any kind of porn (soft or otherwise) Last week he was looking at something on the PC and i flipped We talked later and i did explain to him how it made me feel and he said he understood. He also said if that's how upset i felt and it made me feel like that then he would stop doing it.

He is a good DH and i feel much better now.

I think the experience you had re: your Dad really does make such a difference aGal.

I've had some bad experiences with men and it definitely colours how you see these things. Cretain things seem a lot less harmless.

Glad you have such a thoughtful DH too.

The fact that all men like to look at pretty girls (with or without clothes) and that it usually doesn't mean anything, seems to be something women can never really understand.

But if you can accept that then, speaking frankly, this whole issue becomes as much about your own feelings of self esteem as just your DH and his little "hobby".

I don't want to defend it and myself actually never bother with girlie mags and indeed I would find it very insensitive to let my DW see me read one.

Another thought, but my totally heterosexual DW can also appreciate the beauty in a womans body and herself can see why men like to look at them so much!