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Original poster

Why does everything have to be her way?

51 replies

KungFuPanda · 01/08/2008 13:27

I'm due to get married in September. As soon as we got engaged she mentioned that she's always wanted to go to New York and would love to do that as honeymoon. And that was it, as soon as she said it it was assumed by everyone that that is where we'd be going on honeymoon. Now all I get from friends and family etc is "do you have NY booked yet?" "won't it be lovely when you show her the tickets for NY?" etc...

I don't want to go to NY and don't plan to. I have always wanted to go to Germany and want to do that for honeymoon but as soon as I say that to anyone I get "yeah but you could do that anytime, NY will be lovely..." we could go to NY anytime, surely?

I'm taking her for a meal tonight and the stupid family have filled her head with this NY thing and have her believing that I'm announcing having bought the tickets tonight. She's all excited but I have no intention of going to NY and I'm going to tell her that tonight.

So am I a complete b*stard or does anyone else feel like this sometimes? why is it always what they want? I feel a bit guilty that she'll be upset tonight but it really is her own fault for thinking that she can have everything her way in the first place.

OP posts:
hanaflower · 01/08/2008 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornsilk · 01/08/2008 15:10

So there's a family meal tonight and you're waiting till then to tell her you don't want to go to NY?

Poppycake · 01/08/2008 15:13

I know everyone has their own idea of what is glamorous etc - Juss everyone had been so mean to poor old Germany!!

For the record, when I went over to Freiburg when I was doing my A-levels I thought it was the most beautiful city I'd ever been to and thought - I want to come here for my honeymoon!

Better than that - dp and I got to live there together for a whole year - and I still absolutely adore the Black Forest and the surrounding area and would still do (almost) anything to go back!

OK i'll stop going on about it now.

One thing tho - there is an adv in going to a place where no dodgy diseases are likely. Friends went to Goa and ended up in bed the whole time - because some nasty bugs came to live in their stomachs and they couldn't move from the hotel (or loo more specifically!!). Eeeeuch not romantic at all!

colacubes · 01/08/2008 15:14

No you're not a bastard, and shes just giddy, all excited about the wedding, just tell her you know she wants NY but could yu both go somewhere that would be good for you both, make it your place!

Failing that keep your head down do the nodding dog impression, agree with everything and go to NY! Good Luck, think you are gonna need it.

hughjarssss · 01/08/2008 15:18

I think you are being really cruel. She's going to dinner tonight expecting to get tickets. You are going to really upset her. She's obviously excited.

If you didn't want to go why haven't you told her before, why have you let it get to this stage?

And would it really hurt you to go to NY if it something she really really wants to do?

I actually feel very sorry for your poor fiance.
My advice is get down to nearest travel agents, buy tickets to NY pronto and stop being a twat

hanaflower · 01/08/2008 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConstanceWearing · 01/08/2008 15:24

Welcome to married life. The two of you had better start thinking about each other's wishes and compromising

OrmIrian · 01/08/2008 15:28

You should have told her earlier but I agree, no reason why what your fiancee wants should matter more than what you do.

MmeLindt · 01/08/2008 15:32

I agree that Germany is not thought of as a romantic destination, even though I love it here.

Have you thought of Berlin as a possible destination? It is a fab city and might appeal to her if she likes buzzing cities.

If she is really stuck on NY, perhaps you could sell her on the idea of going there for your first anniversary. And go someplace completely different on your honeymoon.

How about Rome? You don't get much more romantic than Rome and it is fab at that time of the year.

You have to speak to her before you get to the restaurant tonight.

Poppycake · 01/08/2008 15:38

hanaflower My brother and sil came to Ireland - and visited us and dd1 - obviously we are the most unromantic family in the world!! But we're happy !

And this is the point, isn't it? Some couples I know work by putting the woman on a pedastal while hubby does all he can to make her happy. Dp and I work by being jolly good mates who've been having a laugh together for 14 years! I think you do need to work out how your relationship works (it obviously has so far!) and keep doing what makes you happy.

A confrontation over dinner with much weeping and running out in a huff would be awful. Pls avoid! How about a two centre holiday or something - if there is somewher in the uS you'd like to go - so a week in NY and a week in (e.g.) Colorado/SF/up to Canada - or whatever??

ConstanceWearing · 01/08/2008 15:46

Yes, don't wait til the meal to tell her. Call now and tell her you need to talk to her. You could find yourself without a fiancee if she goes off on one in the restaurant.

DaDaDa · 01/08/2008 15:52

Just take her to New York you oaf.

[will be useful ammunition in future rows ]

EffiePerine · 01/08/2008 15:53

cunning DaDaDa

cornsilk · 01/08/2008 15:53

KungfuPanda - you are the first groomzilla I have ever come across. Are you a pfb by any chance?

ConstanceWearing · 01/08/2008 15:59

Dadada, I like your style

theyoungvisiter · 01/08/2008 16:02

well I don't think you are being unreasonable in not wanting to go to NY, but on the other hand, have you actually told her you don't want to go? From what you say, it seems not, since she's expecting you to come out with the tickets. Why have you let her go on for so long looking forward to this and assuming it's going to happen?

Letting things fester and boil and then having a big dramatic showdown at the 11th hour is not what married life is about - you should have spoken up for your own wishes in the first place - ok, she should have consulted you too, but the poor woman's not psychic.

TBH your whole post reeks of resentment in a really weird way - like you hate your fiance for having an opinion on where she wants to go.

VersdeSociete · 01/08/2008 16:04

This marriage is doomed.

EffiePerine · 01/08/2008 16:07

lol

I get the urge to post DOOMED! DOOMED I TELL YOU on many threads today

theyoungvisiter · 01/08/2008 16:11

btw are you a namechanger kungfupanda? I notice you've only got one post history. It seems a slightly odd reason to join mumsnet - just in order to slag off your future wife?

GillianLovesMarmite · 01/08/2008 16:11

We went to Rekjavik on honeymoon - which was AMAZING!! they have this fab restaurant on top of a hill, and it revolves (the restaurant not the hill...) and you can do all sorts of romantic things like whale watching, horseriding, glacier walking, visiting the penis museum, or just staying in a nice room (although you could do that anywhere ...

I would also say that Venice is incredible - we went for the carnivale for a babymoon and it was just like being on honeymoon again! (except no penis museum or hydroelectric power statuion to visit...)

I would also like to defend Germany a little as I spent some time around Munich and in the Hallertau (sp?) and it was really lovely.

I do agree that you need to say something before the restaurant and maybe organise some special time to discuss other destinations together to go somewhere different for honeymoon - after all you're going to be MARRIED - there's lots of time to visit NY/Germany/Bognor etc.

QuintessentialShadows · 01/08/2008 16:13

But, have you told her you dont want to go to New York? If not, why have you waited for so long in telling her? Why have you let her excitement and expectations build up? That is a little cruel to be honest.

It could have been nipped in the bud early by a "eh, wait on wifey-to-be, I dont to go to new york! Lets go to Hawaii, or Portsmouth, let find a destination we BOTH want" Instead you are risking ruining your entire honeymoon by refusing to do some basic expectation management.

It should be a joint decision.

It should NOT be germany for the same reason as it should NOT be new york - ONE of you dont want to go.

VersdeSociete · 01/08/2008 16:15

It is the school holidays. I suppose there must be at least a million teenage boys tittering at computers...

zippitippitoes · 01/08/2008 16:19

well i think you can rest assured that if you go on honeymoon it sure wont be germany

so either do the most romantic thing and make ny a fantastic trip

or exoect to jointloy choose womewhere else

and be prepared for other people to shove their oar in too as it sounds like they surely will

the us would be quite good financially wouldnt it

the euro is a bit pants after all

Hecate · 03/08/2008 20:31

You should not be marrying someone you cannot talk honestly to.

What are you on here for? You need to be telling her, not us. Not being horrible but this is someone you are marrying, someone you (presumably) have had sex with..close, intimate..planning life together....and you can't talk to her??

BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG problem.

If you can't talk to someone, you should not be sleeping with them and you sure as hell shouldn't be marrying them!!

hanaflower · 04/08/2008 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.