I understand why you're so scared but did you know the treatment for HIV is great these days? It's completely different to what the picture looked like even 20 years ago.
This is a snippet from the NHS page:
"HIV can be treated with anti-HIV medicines called antiretrovirals. These are tablets that you’ll need to take every day.
The aim is to bring down the amount of HIV in your blood to a level where it can no longer be measured. This is known as an undetectable viral load.
If you're taking daily medicines, it usually takes around 6 months for the virus to be undetectable."
If you have tested positive and ignore it, out of fear, that's when you risk serious consequences because you leave it untreated. Treatment means very few people develop advanced HIV or even AIDS.
See: https://tht.org.uk/hiv/about-hiv
Once it's undetectable, it means you can't pass it on. IF you do test positive for HIV and don't treat it then not only do you put yourself at risk of serious illness but you put others at risk too, in extreme cases this could lead to criminal charges.
Basically, all those things which are frightening you are only possible if you bury your head in the sand.
IF you have tested positive for HIV, then it won't ruin your life - if you get treated.
You've got this. I know you're frightened and I understand why, but you can do this. Take control- if you ignore it, you'll simply allow fear to gnaw at your insides for years and that will do a number on you - and those who love you.
Don't let those low-lives ruin your life by burying your head in the sand, you can do this and we'll be here to support you.