Partner offered 4 on 4 off shift job, how plan for kids?

[MiaRosexo]

Hi everyone,

Just looking for a bit of advice as I tend to be a huge over thinker when it comes to planning the future!

Basically me and my partner are in our late 20s - I am in a steady, well paid job, he also has a steady office based job however there is zero room for progression, he has been there many years and ultimately wants a career change to do something more manual. He has been applying for a lot however not had any luck, or salaries have been far too low due to them being trainee positions etc.

Last week he had an interview for a field based engineering role (don't want to give too much detail in case it gives us away) and this morning he got the job! I am so proud of him and know it will give him the boost he needs. However, they offered him a shift pattern of 4 on/4 off - working into evenings, nights, weekends etc, which he didn't realise at the time of interview.

We will be planning for children in the near future and my dilemma is that, he is now panicking a little over how this will work - he is such a family man and is worried about not being round much, having to sleep during the day, no family time at the weekend etc. My problem is that I'm not quite ready for children and I would hate for him to turn this opportunity down on that basis - I would feel so much guilt if I continued to delay my TTC decision and he decided to stay in his current role for that reason! I have told him to go for it and we will figure it out later.

Are we being silly for even thinking this far ahead? I've told him that shift work may not be the worst thing in the world with a child anyway! It may all work out fine.

How far can you even plan into the future?! Anything could happen.

Any advice? :)

Thank you x

What is the exact shift pattern? When you have DC, you just have to put them into childcare in accordance to the most solid work hours so if your job is a Mon-Fri 9 to 5 then realistically you’ll need to put them in nursery etc every week day.

Unsure yet at this stage, he is going back with a few questions but realistically I think it will be a real mixture, making up 4 x 10 hour shifts a week x

What are your hours?

I work a 6 on 4 off pattern and it works well for me. Although I imagine a 4 on 4 off will probably be 12 hour shifts. The positive is he will have 4 full days off once you have kids to be a present father, doing the school runs etc. a 9 - 5 can be tough to be around your kids. Especially when they’re young and you have a commute.

I am 8:00 to 16:30 (or half 8 till 5, they dont really mind) with very occasional travel! I work from home

this has made me feel loads better thank you!

Imo he should take the job. Maybe (especially seeing as you aren’t ready yet) defer the TTC for a little while. Then there’s pregnancy and maternity leave and he will by that time have experience in his new field and could switch employers more easily if it isn’t manageable

Surely you'd have to not rely on him to do drop off and pick up at childcare and find childcare that works around your hours. You'll figure out at the time if he can do drop off or the pick ups. Congratulations to him. That's brilliant. You'll figure it out when you get to it.

Well, that’s easy then your Childcare will be based on your hours. And when you are DH is home he can do pick up and drop off etc. Or take them off for the day if he sees fit, but I imagine you’ll still need to pay for childcare.

More likely to be 2 days 2 nights 7-7 surely than 4 random 10 hours? Sounds like there must be an operational need for 24 hour cover.

Honestly, you’ve got the easiest hours WFH and he’ll have plenty of days off etc. It’s fine

I don’t really understand the issue, you aren’t pregnant or trying so it’s kind of pointless to consider future children for a possible shift pattern. That could be years away.
Theres no reason 4 days on 4 days off wouldn’t work or mean he really sees his children any less.

Your hours would be very easy to work around.
But yes you are definitely overthinking!

Been with my DH a long time and he’s almost always worked shifts. Normally 12 hours consisting on early, late and night shifts. We have 3 children. We’ve always made it work and it’s never bothered me too much. Found it harder when they were little and he’d be working weekends. Everyone else would be doing stuff as a family and I’d be on my own but that didn’t last long in the grand scheme of things and now they’re older, I’m not bothered by it. Certainly wouldn’t turn down a great job opportunity because so much could change by the time you actually have children. Your partner may find that this job leads to other opportunities so by the time you have children, his working pattern could be completely different anyway. Seize the opportunity while it’s there and tackle everything else when that time comes.

My husband does 4 on 4 off, 12 hour shifts, 2 days
and 2 nights. He is permanently tired and finds the transition from nights back into days very hard. His four off block is spent desperately trying to adjust back to ‘normal’ waking hours so he can be present in family life. I really don’t mean to be a downer but we went into it thinking ‘oh great, four days off in a row, that will be great’ and its really, really not. If he has any other options I would pursue them and avoid that shift pattern like the plague.

Give it a try, as another poster mentioned it may lead to better work opportunities in the next few years.
my DH works 4 on 4 off and it works great during the school holidays

Whereas we find it brilliant. It must depend on the individual

My DH works shifts. For him, sometimes it’s great because there’s a longer stretch of days off, but sometimes it’s rubbish because he can be working all weekend, or working every evening so he doesn’t see the kids all week. Now they are at school, I’d say it’s not great in term time, but pretty good in the holidays.

Because his shifts constantly change, our childcare covers my hours only (or rather, I work as much as our childcare allows). We end up paying for more childcare than we need (still have to pay for the weeks where he is off work). It is also a big constraint to me socialising - before I say yes to ANYTHING, no matter if it’s evening, weekend or whatever, I have to look through his rota; I can’t commit to, for instance, regular yoga on a Wednesday night, because half the time he will be at work and I’ll have the kids.

This causes me a fair bit of resentment - my social life and career (for which I’m more highly qualified and well paid than my DH is for his) have to take a massive backseat to his job - and selfishly I would be very happy if he did a different job - one with a civilised pattern. The flip side of this is that he would be unlikely to find another job with the same salary, he does really like his job, and it’s not a role that really exists 9-5.

Hey my husband is in a similar job - hes a tradesman by qualification but work as a engineer ( shift) 4 days on 4 days off combined days and nights 2 weeks straight on rota.
We have a 3 year old
I work FT in the city in a financial role - really busy
All I can say is - it is hard
Your still young we are doing this in our 40s and I can honestly say it is not for everyone.
Im basically a single FT working mum for half the year doing everything alone.cee