Soft Dad

[sofatrashinglockdownpuppy]

How to be subtle in encouraging grown up kids to stop living in my lounge when the rentals go pear shaped.How can I be a tougher Dad?

Is it a one bedroom?

There's a lot missing from this. Let's start with the obvious question - why is this an issue for you? Is this a recurring thing, is your place overcrowded, are they bad housemates, can you not afford it... Can you flesh out what the problems actually are?

On the face of it, if my adult children needed a place to crash for a while between rentals then I would, and have, welcomed them in. But I'd do that in the sure knowledge that they're good people to share a place with and they don't take the piss.

It's a three bed with two siblings in the other two.
I've had various partners aswell living in my lounge over the years.I just feel trapped living in our bedroom.Its an open plan kitchen.

Sounds like it is a habit. How many of your adult children are doing this? And what ages are we talking? Late teens? Late 20’s? What was their upbringing like? You said siblings to the children living with you, so did you downsize when the adult children moved out?

What are the prospects of the adult children? What are their careers?

When you say you've had various partners living in your lounge, I'm guessing you mean partners of your adult children? The way you've written it makes it sound like you're talking about your partner(s).

What's stopping you from saying "I'd love to help but it's not possible right now"?

Are all the siblings adults? If yes, why can't they sleep on the floor in their siblings two bedrooms?

Since you have an open plan living space I absolutely wouldn't have anyone sleeping on the sofa except very short term emergencies.

They tend to be a bit more long term double bed etc.I should really just be more accommodating and ride it out until they get sorted but I often feel depressed about it.
Apologies can't answer everything at work

A double bed in your living room sounds like a fire hazard, did they get evicted from their rental houses?

Don't confine yourself to your bedroom, use your house as normal.

If the adults have a problem they can leave.

All three mid 20s to 30s.Its all a bit of a long story.All good jobs.I charge 15% of normal two bed rent in the hope they would save.But for various reasons they never have much money.

Ok I didn't know that good reason I'll bring that up thanks.Its a bigger than normal lounge does this still apply being a fire hazard

Give them a time limit to leave and explain that this cannot happen again, there just isnt the room. Next time they find themselves in this situation they need to go to a hotel

I wish I could but my wife won't back me up she loves having them around aswell as the grandkid when he's over from his Dads.I think they are so desperate for money to be independent because two of them talk about when they get the house which does hurt especially when they sound serious and we are sitting opposite them at meals out.
I also have suspicions my wife is afraid of it being just the two of us but I've never asked her.
It's ok at the present I'm getting used to the extreme politics of the one of the partners ,I've got used to his personality and have no problem when he's in the kitchen/living room now which was probably the main thing that made me feel trapped .
I think I have to just suck it up really and escape to my usual places when it gets too much ,it's the only way I think and I'll have the garden when weather improves. Thanks for the ideas though which will help me approach the issue in the future.