50/50

[Snomys]

Hi,
My ex partner, father to my child had an affair when our son was 8 months old.
I first I had my son every weekend. 3 months later, his dad asked for equal time.
I suggested a plan of four nights to three nights a week alternating weekends.
4 years later this is our routine and it works well. Our son is comfortable and knows the drill.

His Dad does pay child maintenance and with that clubs and uniform comes of this money. Not separate.

This month, the money has gone up, when I asked about it, he asked for 50/50 again.
He’s partner the affair girl, is expecting a child.
I think the best option is to keep what we have now. It works well and it’s fair. My son is also in a routine which he is comfortable with. We go to clubs together no matter whose day it is. Both parents.
His Dad has always been late with money and this also scares me. Unifrom and clubs will need to be paid for on the day.
With a new baby, a change in routine is not good for my son, no one knows how this we’ll effect him.
i thought I would be in a marriage etc with his Dad at the time. I now have to share my child in which we do. On the days I don’t have him, I hate. Not being able to spend the time with him due to his dad having an affair.
as parents, we struggle to communicate however there are times where we can.
please can I ask that this is okie.

My priority is my son, his health and the importance of routine, limiting changes.

So are you currently having 50/50 and altering who has the most nights each week? Because if so then there is no money to be paid by either parent. The affair partner, while hard to stomach, is irrelevant to the financial situation.

How much of this is motivated by what you think is best for your son, and how much by your hatred of the time when your son isn't with you?

As usual on these subjects, the first comment is wrong.
Op do you have a court order? There are multiple issues here which will be dragged out for many years otherwise

There are a couple of different points in this. Firstly the money aspect, do you go through cms? You say the money has gone up but when the next child is born the money will go down. Also cms is all that is legally required of him, he does not have to pay uniform and clubs too. I know its awful and doesn't begin to cover the bare minimum costs but it is the current legal situation. I just say this as I've seen in the past that men will sometimes stop additional payments and just go to cms minimum when pushed. That said, he absolutely should be paying agreed money when due.

In regards to 50/50, is he using this as a threat to stop you pushing for more money? If so that's very low. However, he has 3 nights, is he consistent with this? If he went to court there is a good chance if there is no abuse, he has been consistent with contact and has a valid reason for wanting to change status quo (new sibling/new routine due to schooling) he may well be awarded it. However, that would take time and money to go to court, only you know how likely that is.

I'm not saying any of this to scare you or say you shouldn't stand up for your son and it's awful he had an affair when you had a small baby, but it is important to remember courts don't care about that unfortunately.

No, if it's truly 50/50 then there's no child maintenance to be paid 🤷

Then explain to me how my oh is paying cms purely because he’s by far the higher earner and it was determined by income difference?

If one of the parents is a particularly high earner (over £156k I think) then it's different. Rather than using the standard CMS calculations it gets handled in court.