Feeling so confused by what I should pay

[StrugglingDad3891]

I’m in the process of divorcing my wife due to her criminal behaviour, Largely financial fraud and long term psychological and emotional abuse.

We share 50/50 custody of our Son 12 and daughter 10 on a 2/2/5/5 arrangement and have done so since earlier this year when I kicked her out. Out son has autism and she receives the DLA after I transferred it to her in January, as well as her always ever received all the Child benefit for both children

Her solicitor is stating that I should now be paying further child maintenance, despite her taking an keeping all DLA and the Child Benefit the on 50/50 care,

Her earnings are approx £48k from her job and benefits, plus tax free expenses for travelling abroad (cabin crew) amount to about another couple of thousand minimum. so approx £50k all in all tax free.

Myself, I earn, approx £53.5k after pensions and take home approx £43k after tax.

If I was to try for half the DLA and Child benefits, which I could, she would be on £44.5k and me on £46.5k take home

(For clarity, I am absolutely not interested in taking those)

her solicitor is now stating they want child maintenance on top of this, in addition to the £115 a month I voluntarily give her for my daughters dancing and subscriptions for them both.

sure this can’t be allowed given the relatively similar incomes and her in reciept of all child related benefits (DLA and Child Benefit) on a 50/50 care agreement can it?

I feel totally lost and massively bullied by her and her solicitor!

What does your solicitor say?

The child benefit is the indicator used to determine primary carer for child maintenance payments. You could apply yourself. It would probably be split and you'd get one child each which would allow you both to claim maintenance from each other.

I would be talking to a different solicitor. I'm was in a similar situation tho nobody kicked each other out we separated amicably and I get the dla and child benefit and was happy with the 50/50 custody and he helps with after school classes. But I was told if he had applied for maintenance I should do the same back which wouldn't have worked well so neither of us did

@CurlsLDN i can’t meet with my solicitor until a week Monday as I’m working in Italy, I receieved this all Wednesday?
@nornironlady how is the befit used as the indicator when we have an agreed pattern that she thought would see me struggle(actually works more in my favour then hers now) should I do a counter claim in that case to establish joint care?
@NorthernLass2025 a little confused by yours sorry! Likely my fault as I’m struggle to understand all the terms of benefits etc

so should I try for maintenance as well, all told, she gets £85 of CB I could ask for, £208.50 DLA I could also request and roughly £115 a month on average, totalling £413.50 average per month, but I should ask for maintenance or just the 50% of benefits?

Try not to panic. Wait until you speak to your solicitor. With a 50/50 agreement you don’t owe anything and are entitled to half the benefits should you wish to pursue them.

@JetSkiRentals are you in a similar position and this is your arrangement?

Sadly CMS can pursue in cases of 50/50.
Child benefit is used to establish the primary carer which is why I suggest you could apply and it would likely be awarded as one child to each parent which then allows you to counter claim.
I echo what @NorthernLass2025 says. Sorting yourselves is the best all round. I spent years in CMS between point scoring parents and it doesn't benefit children.

@nornironlady I appreciate your response, thank you!

If I’m totally honest, I don’t want to take any of it back, I just want her gone after all the abuse and problems it’s caused me health wise. It’s likely my mind is just slipping back to where she once put me in that I was scared and intimidated by her.

I guess my question could be will the make me pay more given i already pay that much without contesting what she takes?

Can I also add to my knowledge working with DLA in NI, payments cannot be split. Only one person can claim. Unless your ex agreed to pay this privately, I'm not aware of any process supported by DWP.

@nornironlady you are correct, it can’t be paid split but in cases of 50/50 should be shared at our own arrangement. I don’t however want to really. I want literally every possible tie to her gone, except the children obviously. I’m just so lost given what she is in receipt of that they can ask for and be confident in getting more

I would speak to your solicitor sooner than a week on Monday. Being in Italy isn't really an excuse. Use teams.

This. I was going to say the same. CB is key here.

Do t panic. Apply for the child benefit and get it split between you.
You can do that from Italy too.

Thanks @DorothyStorm looks like the counter claim is essential then?

Hi @crossant thanks for the ideas

its seems the general consensus is to go for application to split so I will peruse that for sure

Her solicitor can ask, but it is not legally binding. Really it’s Friday today I would just email your solicitor today and not rush to do anything.
I would look on the CMS website which you could do in Italy work out what it says you should pay her and what she should pay you - so you have done your research.
Remember you are in the horse trading phase of divorce the initial requests are always greater than the eventual agreement.

When I split with my ex we split the child benefit claim. You can’t really demand half the money but you could receive money for one child. I think with the DLA that money should be ringfenced for stuff to help them do maybe a seperate account that’s usd to pay for equipment, therapies, etc. I pay for lunches and hobbies for dc I receive cb for. In all honesty thst works out 2-3 times more than cb anyway.

Yes it was and is my situation although a good few years ago now. 50/50 and back then there was an online calculator to work out if one party owes the other - perhaps worth a google to see if it still exists. But the basis of 50/50 is that both are financially responsible and therefore are not under obligation to pay child support as they are already paying 50% towards the child’s needs. The other solicitor is trying their luck and hoping you don’t know your stuff. Hopefully your solicitor is good and will back you up.