parental alienation

[andym299]

NEED SOME ADVICE.

I have been split from my ex since jan 2024.

We split because mainly DV and abuse. She was interviewed by the police but because she didnt make a full and frank confession the case was dropped. Since we dplit we have had numerous court appearances. Initially was ordered contact once a week (15 mins) via video link, because of my daughters age (2) the mother sat in on the calls. These didnt go well due to mothers constant interruptions and interferance and on one case was heard to say "are u going to engage with him"6 ...followed 2 seconds later with "i dont blame you".. Clearly a case of Parental Alienation which i reported to both the Court and to Cafcass who never took any action.

Next at a haearing was again ordered Contact at a contact centre of 2hrs per fortnight to which my exes response was to submit an appeal as it went against Cafcass recommendafions This was granted and ALL contact was stopped and put on hold til the next hearing

The next hearing granted "letterbox contact" which for a child of her age was absolutely wrong in my opinion. They allow me to send 1 contact per fortnight (video bed time story,a voice note or a written letter). My DD according to my ex is not responding well to.

Facts of the case are EX was the one who was violent (hitting with mobile phone,twisting nipples, punching on arm and coercion and controlling behaviour.) she has accused me of harrassment and the Police interviewed me about this and found that as i was only trying to ascertain my childs welfare and health, there was no case to answer and was filed away as NFA.

my DD has a health condition (ARSA) which i understand no thsnks to my ex (she reportrd me for possible abduction to the Hospital Safguarding team to prevent me from attending the appointment. I didnt even know when the appointment was and only found out this when she messaged my other daughter (21) the day after the appointment to tell her this.

Furthermore my ex has health problems ADHD, self harms and has smoked weed in the past. She has a new fella since Mar 24 and in Jun she had his child and moved in with him. He has an allegation of Rape against him which was reported as NFA. They have contacted ACROto have this removed from his file. However due to the seriousness of the crime, on a DBS check it will still be disclosed because of the seriousness and risk of others.

She is also a Probation Office who i have reported to her employers for 'Disclosure of Confidential Information' again all that happened was for her to be reprimanded (She should have been sacked immediately)!!!!

She also refuses to accept/allow contact to take place at a Contact Centre and stipulates that any contact needs to be Supervised by her or maternal grandparents.

I do understand this is a very complex case and my DD is the priority.

Any advice would be appreciated. I have not been represented throughout but have now secured Legal Aid for the final hearing this month.

Thanks

Sorry to hear that things are so challenging. Why are cafcass recommending no direct contact at the moment? Have you sought legal advice?

Sorry you're saying she was violent but the court access was initially 15 minutes a week and now no contact?

I have no experience but do courts do that if there are no issues on your side?

No, they don't. This is nit the whole story by any means. And you csn tell that by tge way the poster writes

this is the whole story...

she has had legal help from day one and has slung unproven allegations everywhere. she also has a law degree so knows exactly how to use the system.

I have no idea why intially it was 15 mins. Maybe the fact of the distance (200 miles). i have also asked buth the Courts and Cafcass for a 'fact finding mission' to be carried out to finally prove her lies. I have absolutely nothing to hide abd afact dind would prove she was the violent abuser .....NOT ME!!!!

Are you prepared to be honest about what the accusations (against you) are? Because if you have questions about parental alienation, then understanding what you have been accused of, not just what you accuse your wife of, is central.

Are you under a police investigation currently?

Are you under a social care assessment currently?

Does your child have a social worker, given all of the worries and needs surrounding her parents? If not, she likely needs one and then the social worker can navigate your complex family needs.

I have no idea why intially it was 15 mins. Maybe the fact of the distance (200 miles)
sorrg Ive missed how there is a 200 miles distance?

also a phone call with a two year old will never go well. Such an odd way to enforce contact.

There are no investigations underway.
I am not under social care assessment. and no DD is not under a social worker.

The 200 miles is how far we live apartsince we split.

Obviously a 2 yr old cannot understand or comprehrnd the ruling.....neither can i.

i do realise that had i had lawyers from the start then it probably would have chaged thjngs .....but just could not afford one.

I dif have a barrister and solicitor for 1 hearing (2500) that was the one that she appealed.

Could you travel the 200 miles to see your daughter once a week?

Where was the contact centre location? I'm imagining that it's amid-way point, and Mum is saying she can't get her child 100 miles away. So could/would you travel to them?

You need to not be 200 miles away from a 2 year old if you want contact. There’s no way you can facilitate what they need at that age at that distance

ive offeredand found a contact centre 1 mile from my exes house. I would be more than happy to travel down weekly ... that isnt the problem ....she wont accept a contact centre for some reason she wont disclose (presumably someone mite see her).

She is insisting it has to be supervised by maternal grandparents/ her...

I wont and cant put myself through DV and control again also its not fair or right for my daughtef to see tbis happening.

My solicitor has written to hers with an engrossment for contact at contact centre to be initially supervised (to renew bond etc) but by an independant neutral person. fir a short period. Leading to supported in the community leading to unsupported.

Why supervised contact?

Next at a haearing was again ordered Contact at a contact centre of 2hrs per fortnight

The court ordering contact at a contact centre must mean it has to be supervised.

For unsupervised contact you could just take her to soft play / the zoo / macdonalds like many other EOW Dads

You can get both supervised and unsupervised intact within a contact centre. The former just provided the handover so the two parties don’t meet then parent is alone with dc . The latter is actually supervised by a staff member at all times, this is ordered less often as is significantly more expensive

@andym299 if you want people to be able to offer meaningful advice then you need to include what concerns (about you, not your ex) have led to cafcass recommending no direct contact at this stage.

I’m not from a legal background, but have a lot of personal experience with family courts, and based on this I can’t believe that cafcass would not even be endorsing supervised contact without a very specific concern about you.

I completely understand that serious false accusations get made during proceedings, and it can be difficult to hear / talk to others about. (I’ve had many false allegations levied upon me / family members over the years), but by not giving the full picture you may be missing out on very good advice from those who have been through similar.

Obviously a 2 yr old cannot understand or comprehrnd the ruling.....neither can i.
I meant a phone call with you and a 2 year old isnt going to go well. They havent got the attention span.

Why did she move 200 miles away?

Sorry to read your heartbreaking story.

I'm affraid that the judicial system is against men and always favours the mother in these sad cases.

I fought a similar battle, my 1st wife was investigated for child neglect and assault. County Court Judge wanted to see the evidence of the Criminal Investigation but Police would not disclose.

I fought, I spent £19k on Barristers and won full custody of my 2 children.

Wind the clock forwards somes 15 years, and during that time I remarried and had a 3rd child with 2nd wife.

We are divorced now. Child is 15. I do not see him at all, my ex alienated him from me at age 10 when we split up. I cannot be arsed fighting her or the system again and have given up.

If he wants to see me when he is older, then that's his choice not hers.

I know your child is much younger, but sometimes for your own sanity you have to give up.

I'm aware I'm a bit late for the discussion.

One thing I would do is get a phone where you can record all the conversations. If necessary install Lineage OS. Some older phones haven't been crippled with some of the new Android versions.

Use a desktop for your remote video link and record with something like OBS Studio. Don't tell her but store up any info.

I can see the issue you admit to have issues like ADHD. They demonstrate your way of thinking isn't the norm. From the result of your hearings I presume there is some evidence in her Witness Statement that has swayed the courts in her favour.

Are you employed?

If this is truly important for you why not move closer to your daughter. I'd be there when childcare finishes or later in her life when school finishes. Just to wave and say hello.

hi all dads ....

After a very lengthy court fight the y have finally agreed to a fact finding to be carried out ....any advice please (shes the violent one not me!!!)

It is up to you to produce evidence she is violent.

I would record all interactions, Is this something you're doing?

If it's your word against yours, status quo is preserved.

Otherwise the fact finding process will do precisely that, find facts.