Wedding Woes

[Intothesunshine]

My 1st post.

I divorced in 2004 and at that time had a DS of 6 and DD of 3. The divorce was messy and in 2007 I was given full custody of my 2 children, something unheard of for the man to be given.

Anyway, DS & DD refused to see their mother and over the years they have never had Birthday or Christmas cards/presents, and no contact. I have brought them up to be amazing adults.

My DS is getting married in 2026, we are a very small family as my mum and dad have both passed and I only have a sister, so not many on our side of the family will be at the wedding. My DS really wants his biological mum at his wedding, and I have no issues with that.

DS has reached out to her, but it has been quite difficult for him to engage. DD has also made contact, but only for her brother as she is not personally interested in forming a relationship with her mother.

Due to personal circumstances their mother is really unsure as to whether she will attend the wedding and has told DS that she would let him know at the end of this year (2025), so he has no idea if she will come or not.

I am really concerned that he will set his heart on her being at the wedding but she will decide against it, and that will hurt him deeply.

His fiancé understands the issues and wants to protect him from any pain.

Not sure what my question is here, but has anyone else been in similar circumstances, advice.

Thanks from a concerned father.

not something I have had to deal with but as your son has you that is the main thing. i think you and his fiance need to gently prepare him for the fact that his mum might not show. i think it is ridiculous she needs so much time why not yes or no before that? i personally think she is playing games and despite what she says will not show anyway

You are a kind and nice dad

It’s a shame for him but it will probably be better that she’s not there. It would be awkward and potentially traumatic if something bad happened on the day. Sounds like he hasn’t really accepted she’s not going to be part of his life ever, maybe he should try and get some counselling before the wedding.

She's not going to be there is she? Prepare him for that.

There’s literally nothing you can do about it, though, hard though it may be to watch your adult child set his heart on something that may not happen. I suppose I’d try internally to stay on an even keel about it by thinking that if she does say she will attend, that will make him happy, but, conversely, if she doesn’t, it will remove a big source of potential pain and unpredictable behaviour from the wedding day.