Birthday party guest problem

[DomesticatedTramp]

My eldest son (7) is having a birthday party soon with all his class mates are invited. The problem is one of the children's mother has asked if her boy can come too. This other lad has been increasingly unpleasant to my son and others in class (threats of violence, convincing others to say and do mean things, name calling, ect) and now my son doesn't want to invite this other boy to his party which we believe is his choice and fair.

My wife and I don't know how to tell the mother that her son has been uninvited. It will upset her and we know we can't avoid it, we just don't know how to approach it.

Thanks for any advice.

Uninvited or just not invited?

If he hasn't been invited - and she is asking if he can come, I would just say sorry it's not possible.

Had been previously invited to the party.

Are all the other children/boys in the class invited?

You can't uninvite.

You will be at the party and can watch him like a hawk to prevent and nastiness.

I'm not completely clear on this - are you saying you invited everyone in the class including this boy and now your son doesn't want him to come?

You can't exclude one child from a class party.

Yes you can, it’s the consequence to his nasty actions

Is she aware of her son's behaviour?
What would happen if you told her that she needs to stay and supervise him because of his treatment of the other children?

@Yellowcircle90

It really depends on whether the school and the boy's parents actually know the extent of it. If it is all well known and acknowledged then that's one thing but I'm getting the feeling that's not the case here.

Tell her she needs to stay and supervise and one step out of line he will be asked to leave.

Under half the class, or just one sex, or all.

This is what I would do.

No of course you cant uninvite him.

Just keep a close eye on all the kids at all times and make sure they're occupied.

What has that got to do with it? The two things are entirely unrelated. It’s this little boy’s birthday party and he doesn’t want a child who has called names and made threats of violence to be there. The entitlement in society today is unbelievable

Why not?

Why would you say yes if his Mum asked if he could come?
Your son invited who he wanted to be there
Unfortunately you said yes for some reason so no, you can't uninvite this boy now.

Yeah you can't uninvite 😬 it's only probably going to be a couple of hours, as pp just watch him.

@Yellowcircle90

You think it isn't important to know whether the op has actually spoken to the school about this?

This could be based on one comment from op's 6 year old and you would be fine with just uninviting a kid from a class party without any further thought? Really?

Be truthful, tell Mum that little Damien has been unkind to your DS recently and you would prefer him not to be there.

Only one child is important in this and it's not the bullying one......

I can’t see any correlation between speaking to the school and a little boy being listened to when he says he doesn’t want someone to come to his party who he says has been unkind to him.

In terms of ongoing management of the situation then of course the parents need to have a discussion with the school but I can’t see how that would effect whether or not he attends the party.

And yes I trust my child to tell me the truth about something as serious as this.

Agree! this is how bullies become empowered and enabled. Nip it in the bud

You can uninvite him and tell his mum why. If an adult had a party and fell out with a friend prior, they would be told not to come.

‘I’m afraid it won’t be possible for xxx to attend xxx’s party. Unfortunately xxx has advised us that xxx has been name calling and threatening violence and therefore he understandably does not want him to attend on this occasion’

I think there's a fine but important line between standing up for your child/ helping them to learn about boundaries and being high-handed, possibly making these situations worse.

I have had this with my son - and I actually witnessed the other child being mean to him. As a result, I turned down an invitation to the kid's party a few weeks' later and he wasn't invited to my child's party after that. But I wouldn't have just uninvited the kid from a party like this as a first response to the situation.

I don't understand this. If this child was invited originally, why has his mum asked if he can come? Surely all she has to do is accept the invitation?