Loneliness and being fed up

[Alexjames92]

Hi guys! I hope it's ok to post this on here. So I've got two daughters (6 and 8) with my ex wife. We got a divorce 4 and a half years ago and after which, things were very fractious between us and to cut a long story short, I ended up taking her to family court to get a proper routine with my children. I have them 3 weekends in every four and one night during the week aswell, which is all great.
But ever since our split, I've tried dating and meeting new people and it's never worked out. I dated a girl about 2 years ago which lasted two months or so, but other than her (and I still regret it ending as I really liked her!) I've not really met anyone. I'm not what you'd say blessed in the looks department and am fairly shy, so I've only ever met people on dating apps etc (including my ex wife). For a year or two, I was getting a fair amount of matches and had the odd date etc, but I've not even had one match or date this entire year which makes me worry for my future! I'm 33 and all my friends are in long term relationships, married etc and I feel like the pool of people in my life is constantly getting smaller.
Being with my children is the most important thing in my life, obviously, but the lack of that special connection with someone is really getting me down. Just having someone to talk too in the evenings, even small things like watching TV with someone etc, seems such a distant dream for me now. This weekend I don't have my children and other than doing a little Christmas shopping for my girls this morning, I've not left my sofa, and tomorrow will be the same story. As I said, I'm quite shy so can't just go out and meet people, I don't have much money (my wages go straight on rent etc) so I really don't know how or if I can get out of this rut I seem to be constantly in!
Has anyone else been in a similar situation and managed to turn things around and have any advice?

Cheers!

You sound really lovely, but far too young for me lol. Also far too young too give up. I would seriously consider a dog. You will have a wonderful companion who will make you get off the couch and get out. Dog owners are always happy to chat in my experience and I have met lots of people just by interacting with the dog and now look after them when owners are on holiday etc so have extended my friendship group. As a bonus it is a great thing for your children,teaching them to be responsible and caring.

Agree re dog, also maybe you need a hobby where you meet people without the pressure of romance?
Eg. with kids that age could you help at the school, maybe on the PTA, who are usually desperate for people to support them and have loads of things you could help with - from shopping for event food/drinks/toys- to cooking pizzas, simple food, making drinks at events, being on the committee which is organising meetings or writing up the minutes or being banker/treasurer etc?
Dads are usually under represented so hugely welcomed and you'll be meeting loads of mums / teachers/ TAs etc in a casual non date oriented way. Plus you'll be helping the kids/school!

This is a lovely reply and a great idea.

Have you really got time for a relationship if you have uour children 3 weekends in 4?

Have you considered having your children more?

For example, if you had 50/50 contact, you could do half the school runs, get involved with school events, host play dates after school etc and get to know other parents that way, as well as join in weekend activities.

Lots of people in their 30s gain entirely new friendship groups via their children, but they have to be a lot more involved than you are.

Weekend parenting is quite different to the day-to-day grind and sets you apart from all the other parents doing it as they don't see you regularly enough to get to know you.

A few weeks of the school run and you'll be on nodding contact with other adults, chatting to them in the playground at pick up etc, or apologising for something your DC has done (or accepting an apology).

I'm not suggesting you parent more to potentially date one of your kids friends parents 🙄 but to widen your social circle, get you off the sofa and do more outside of work.

If you're actively parenting 50% of the time, and working, cleaning, cooking, shopping etc in the other time, you really won't have much time to be lonely and bored.

In terms of my schedule with the children, it took such a lot of effort with solicitors, courts etc to get my time with the children (my ex was making up all sorts of stories about me in order for me to be granted as little time with them as possible, for absolutely no reason) and the fact I have a strict work schedule where I can't change my hours around, I have to stick to the days and times that I have. Having the children most weekends mean that I see the other parents a lot for things such as birthday parties etc, and I sometimes meet with one or two of the mums (along with the children) for trips to the cinema or for play dates etc. The mum's that I speak too most though are all married so there's definitely not any way of those becoming anything more haha. I'm very involved with my children though, seeing them 3 days a week most weeks is pretty near to the 50/50 split and I'd rather spend weekends with them than days during the week where I'm at work and they're at school. I've never been the kind of person to make friends easily, I'm a nice guy and respectful, loving etc but I'm very shy and nervous around new people (the fact I go out occasionally with one of the mums and our children is actually a big thing for me, I have always struggled with self confidence.

To the people who have suggested getting a dog, I would absolutely love to have a dog but for a few reasons I'm unable too! The place intent is a small flat so it wouldn't be fair to have a dog here anyway, but also part of the rental agreement states I'm not allowed pets! But thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions 😊