Struggling with one sided relationship (effort wise )

[Bayersanpandahorn]

Men/Dads etc

Do any of you ever feel like you are in a somewhat healthy relationship but it mostly seems to be because you put in a lot more visible effort in every aspect of it . Be it looking after your spouse ,tending to their needs , proving moral and emotional support , the mundane feet rubs , massages , initiating a kiss/hug , carrying the conversation etc .

I, like most dads I know am an active parent as it’s my duty . Work in a healthcare , extremely long hours, starting with school run but coming back home to no dinner , no excitement you are back straight into prepping lunch , then bed time for bambinos .

How if any of you are in similar situations cope with what’s starting to feel like resentment ?

Very similar tbh. Also work in healthcare and do all the meals (partner doesn't cook), house stuff, cars, offer to have the little one as much as possible etc.
Initiating kiss/hug got me as I realise that's all me too.
My partner is very busy with teaching and still breastfeeds our 2 y/o. What does your wife do? I feel that maybe their priorities change (understandable as children need their mum more than we need a partner) but it won't be forever as they get older?
I've sort of just accepted this is how it is right now but we are hoping to get more time together which might help. Do you guys have any time just the two of you?

@Bayersanpandahorn are you feeling genuinely that there is a disparity in how much work, house work and parenting work you do?
or are you just peeved because even if it’s an even 50/50 split you do more than most men and your feel hard done by because you don’t get enough sex.

Helping to distinguish that in your mind might help you with how to live forward.

men aren’t owed sex for doing 50 of the front work at home or parenting wise

But like wise you are entitled to want a healthy sex life.

can you separate the issues? And approach them individually?

How old are your children? It is just a bit like that when they are young. It improves

For me that was the beginning of the end of the marriage. I built a career around WFH and paid the mortgage, had the kids all day through the week, all school runs, all the grocery shopping, all the cooking, all the gardening (we had two big gardens). My ex worked hard in social care through the week, but seemed to think this entitled her to do virtually zero domestically. If I didn't cook all through the weekend as well she'd say "Any thoughts on dinner?" and if I still didn't cook again, rather than give me a break she'd order a takeaway.
The resentment built and built and we never did anything fun together - sex stopped altogether too - and in the end we both realised we wantes out of it. So my advice would be to talk, try to change the routine, try to get some fun back. If she's not up for that, don't waste more years of your life than you need to in an unhappy situation - I wish we had separated sooner, although having kids complicates that.