Starting a family in girlfriends house.

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I am two years into a relationship and have moved in with my partner. She owns her house and I own a flat which I have rented out.
Since moving in with my girlfriend i feel like I have moved into her bubble and it doesn't entirely feel like my home. I worked hard to get my flat and now I've had to move into her house I've lost that feeling and miss it. I mentioned quite a few times about selling our properties and buying a house together but she is reluctant to take that leap at the moment but it's not completely off the cards. I'm 36 and want be the man of my house, do DIY and feel like I have a say in everything but I currently don't because it's not my house, which is a strong feeling I have. We have had a few arguments as most couples do and she once used the "get out" card which I noted. Nothing actually come of it but I was just aware of the the situation I was in and how it could affect me in future. So the main reason for this post is that we both want a family and want to start trying for children in about 6 months to a year. I have said that I want to buy a house together so we have a family home which we both own 50/50 and both have a say in. I have explained that her house doesn't feel like my home but that I also need my security for when we have children. I just feel like it's natural to have a family home together then have children. There is nothing really stopping us from doing this, apart from her clinging onto her own property and a little scared to sell it. She doesn't see why we can't have children in her house and then move out later when the time is right. However, a few things in our relationship have made me feel uneasy about this, the "get out" comment, she also has quite bad OCD and wants everything how she wants it. I know this won't change but I atleast want a say in the running of our home and I will feel like that if I own half. It all just comes down to a feeling that I have, I want to jointly own the family home that we plan to have children in, so I have a say, so I don't feel powerless and living in someone else's bubble.
I want to build something together and feel like a man that owns his home he is bringing his children up in. I have basically said that I don't want children in her house and that I want us to buy something together before that happens. She has said she feels like I've put a time limit on things and she has now put her walls up as she is very protective over her house. I feel like this could end the relationship if neither of us budge.
Am I asking too much for her to sell her home or am I right to somewhat protect myself, after all children are a big commitment. I just want a family home where I can raise children, be the man of his own home and look after his family, at the moment I feel like a lodger is someone else's house, who wants me to have children there.

Have you talked of marriage? She feels unsafe selling her house which she has strive to buy. Very hard move to make for her I'd imagine

Your relationship is nowhere ready to bring children into it. Communication is clearly an issue. Likewise compromise.

Well turn the question around? You want her to give up her financial security so that you get more of a say.

Will you be getting married? Sounds like No, because that might be financially punishing for you in the long term.

I think you need to find a different solution that meets your needs but also demonstrates that you won’t screw her over if it goes wrong.

Do you really want to live for the rest of your life with someone who has OCD? Don’t underestimate how challenging this will be.

Hi me and my first LTR both had houses and lived well between them. We decided to move in together and rent the other property as we had discussed children.

Liviing together was very much and experience you described. It also included non diagnosed OCD and was brought up a lot .

I would take every precaution to not get this woman pregnant if your not using condoms then a move back to them may show you what you need to know . I would live together in harmony for at least a year and would hope for a significant improvement in your relationship.

Sadly I wish that I had known about MN back then and knowing what I know now I would run for the hills sooner than the four years wasted for both of us.

Marriage is a potential for the future yes. I'm happy to wait and progress our relationship and delay having children but she doesn't want to wait due to getting older. I am happy to not delay it but I need to have the house in place first. I cannot have children in her house.

I completely understand her giving up her property and financial security, but I will be in exactly the same boat, I will sell my property and we both put in a equal amount into the new shared property which we will own 50/50. We are both taking a risk and not one person is losing or gaining more than the other.

I know this shouldn't be a problem but where she has been so protective over her house and firm that she doesn't want to sell yet makes me wonder why. She is asking me to make a massive sacrifice by moving into her house and having children there. She would hold all the power and I would have no say in anything.

I feel like even having this conversation I know what the answer is and it's to go our separate ways. It's a shame because I can definitely see a future with her but I need her to let go of what's she's holding onto and start a new life with me.

Perhaps she's not ready to sell her major financial asset and share one with you yet, because she doesn't think the relationship is 50-50 yet?

How are your current finance and behaviour in her house?
50-50 on all bills (except mortgage) what about things like food shopping, days out, buying cleaning materials for the house?
How are chores done? Do you keep the place tidy as you go or do you leave a trail of mess through the week and tidy it up at the weekend ?

I'd suggest having a cal discussion about how each of you feel your current living arrangements are going. Take selling and buying a new place off the table for now.

Also bare in mind that when having children, her career will take a hit both financially and in a professional development sense. Going from owning her own home where she is comfortable and knows she can afford on her own, to moving into a house she only owns half of,
potentially can't afford on her own,
bringing a child into the world,
dealing with the additional financial and career issues that brings,
and potentially with a partner she doesn't feel is putting in as much effort. (Not sure if this is true, but she may be feeling it and is why she is not wanting to sell).
That is a very scary move I would say.

She could also simply not like sharing her space. If she has been in her own home for a while then that's entirely possible. A 2 year relationship is not a long one. I presume you have lived together for less than that so she may well still be adjusting to living with someone in her space.

So I am going to ask again, what actions can you both take now, who can will allow you to live together whilst both retain the financial safety net that is obviously really important to them. That’s the way out of this- each acknowledging the other’s very reasonable position and working to achieve what you both want, a WIN-WIN rather than a win-lose.

Wish my partner had OCD!