I AM the bad guy but does this get better

[DetectiveSpooner83]

This isn’t about sympathy. As I deserve none.
i just need to hear opinions.

I am a dad of 4 and was married to their mum until September. (15 years married, 18 years together)

so I’ll get the messy bit out of the way. Between Child 3 and 4 my ex wife had an affair with a childhood friend of mine. I forgave her but I was a scumbag and fell for a co worker last year and had one myself.

my ex wife has met a guy and they are great together and my kids love him. I’m very happy for her. We lived in Cornwall but he is Scottish and she made the decision to start a new life in Scotland with him as he “missed his kids”

well they all moved in June. I was told at the time that she would bring them down to see me as it was only fair. That hasn’t happened once. Since July I have been up once a month. It’s expensive as I have to fly, I have driven it once but it’s 13 hours drive there and another 13 hours back. It’s a killer.

here’s where I need opinions.
Does missing your kids ever get better? I haven’t once left them and not balled my eyes out the entire journey home. I have thought about relocating but cannot as my eldest has additional needs and is actually living with me so their routine isn’t ruined and they can carry on as normal. Their mum has said there is no help up there for child.

so I’m stuck with my love for my daughter and their needs and my love for the other 3 kids.

i have had the most selfish needs where I want to end everything. I just miss them so much. Does it get easier when it’s not so fresh?

So the mum has left a child with SEN to move to Scotland?

Sorry, she has chosen her new man over one of her kids and then gone hundreds of miles away from that child. She's cold.

Yes. She rented a 2 bed flat and phoned me to say can the child stay with me as her needs won’t be met in Scotland

I do get that. It’s been the subject of many arguments. I phoned and told her my child misses her and their siblings but was told there is no room up there now and cannot come up.
it’s more about me missing my children though

I don’t believe there is no provision for your daughter , she has chosen this life.
I’d inquire about moving nearer

You go to court for a prohibitive steps order. Do it yourself online £215. !

How was this possibly allowed in your divorce ????

Your wife can live where and with who she likes . YOUR kids have a right to an effective relationship with you and no court would approve a move to Scotland from Cornwall.

Grow a backbone and fight for them ! (Unless they are over 12 and will tell a court they don't want to see you ! )

www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge

She just wants an easy life without your SEN daughter. That's a lame excuse about not getting the support she needs in Scotland.. have you looked into this yourself? I'd start here.

She hasn't bothered to come down to see her daughter either? She sounds like a pretty awful woman.

Have you looked into getting joint custody of the other 3 kids.. as it seems like she doesn't really care about whether you see them or not.

Can your other children not live with you too? It seems harsh to split them up.

I'd be fighting for those kids. Get to the courts asap

Sure there was a CAO as part of your divorce? If she is not sticking to it you need to go back to court.

Your children have a right to a relationship with their father.

You could have stopped her taking your kids out of the country in the first place. Why did you let them go?

Your first mistake was to allow the kids to move, she wanted to move, the kids are a shared thing.

She decided to move, not you. I know a case where the other part had to fund your travel or bring the kids themselved. Odd she left the SEN child though, thats very not like a mother thing to do

Might be good if someone actually answered the OP's question. I can't specifically as I'm not in this situation, but i can say that everything gets better with time - although I think missing your kids is probably going to be something which will take a long time to get better.

We are 2 years in and Dh still struggles massively with missing his kids. His ex wife had an affair then decided to move an hour away, which has made life very tricky for everyone (except her). He struggles with then unfairness of it all as he sees it and I fully understand why. Effectively he has lost his kids for over half their time Bruce's his ex wife decided to end their marriage and then move away. We have them 40% of the time. But that means alot of travelling and it's making work hard-and as they get older, they don't want to do it so much -so he will inevitably lose them more....