Am I overthinking?

[Daddycool2024]

My ex partner has reduced the amount of overnight stays with my son since I received a child maintenance application (I have always supported him). I can only assume it’s because of the financial advantage of reduced stays with me.

There are times I have been threatened by my ex, saying she’ll ensure I never see him again when she asks for money, or me to pick him up at very short notice. I always prevail as someone has to.

When I take him home, he really doesn’t want to leave, holding onto my leg, crying, asking to come to my house. Every week gets me emotional as I can only feel like I’m abandoning him.

I am now aware, he is staying at my partners friends house during the week. I’m conscious on the fact that this ‘friend’ has been subject to social services due to how they raise their children.

Has any other father been in such situation? How is it best to manage this?

Do you have a court order in place for the time you see your son? If not, I would get one.

I would also contact social services to make sure they are aware your son is living with someone under them and ensure there are no concerns.

Ring the CMS helpline and also be prepared to apply to court for a child arrangement order. You have a very high chance of getting what has been your norm historically.

I’d be very concerned about the child staying at your partners friend’s house. I think my first step would be to email her very politely expressing your concern about this, giving your reasons, and offering to have him those nights yourself if she is struggling to cover them herself. If you get a load of abuse back and/or nothing changes, then I’d ring Social Services.

Although it’s a ball ache, I think a court order would really help you, you may be asked to try mediation first.

Thanks for your messages and support.

The last thing I would want as a father is for both parents to be ‘fighting’ over what is deemed fair. I can’t see how this will end positively on the upbringing of my son.

Today, I was threatened with social services myself due to the fact I made my feelings known that his mother has changed his nursery without letting me know and I’m not an authorised parent for him.

This weekend when I collected him, he only had the clothes he was wearing. I have always given his mother any new clothes I have purchased as I feel it’s for his best interests.

I feel emotionally controlled as all I want is the best for a 2 year old who doesn’t need to be subject to such situation.

Does anyone know the timescales associated with court orders? How do I demonstrate I want to be a father?

If you get a CAO then it will stop any arguing/threats and she will have to make the child available for the contact time as per the order.

So in the long term that would be better by the sounds of it in your situation.

In terms of your child not being sent with any clothes- she doesn't have to provide any on your time, that's for you to do. So if you buy new clothes from now on, keep them for your house.

That's not what maintenance is for, it's your financial contribution for the days the child is with your ex.

If you've been having regular, reliable contact then that's enough for the court to see you want to be a father.

Why do you feel emotionally controlled? What do you mean by that?

How long have you been split up?

Mum doesn’t have to provide things for him when he is with you. That’a down to you.

I would go down the court route to increase and formalise access. Speak to SS about the friend who is looking after your son.

Unfortuantley the clinging and crying is just some thing that happens with young children who are seperated from a parent.