Was my request clear or not?

[TheBerry]

I’m a mum asking on DadsNet to get male opinions - DP thinks I was unclear and asking in a woman’s way, but I think I was perfectly clear!

DD has a cough and it’s disrupting her sleep.

Last night I said to DP, “Shall we put some books under the legs of her cot to elevate her head?”

DP responded with “um” or “I don’t know”.

I said, “Ok, I’ll just do it then,” and went to do it (but he didn’t hear me say that).

Later, DP said I’d used a book he hadn’t wanted me to use (I thought it was ok because it was on the floor in his office and had been used to prop up a weight).

I said if he’d helped me when I asked then I wouldn’t have used the wrong book.

He said I didn’t ask him for help, I just asked his opinion. I thought what I was asking was obvious, but he disagrees!

Who’s right?? Is this just a difference in how men and women communicate?

Speaking as a woman… you clearly asked his opinion and then said you would go do it. So you didn’t ask for his help.

As a woman I think YABU.
You said ‘I’ll just do it then’ not ‘shall we just go and do it then?’.
I would have either asked DH come and lift the cot so I could put the books down, or I’d have done it myself. I wouldn’t have gone to do it and expected him to telepathically know I wanted help.

You did not ask for his help. You asked for his opinion then said what you were going to do.

However. You said you were going to use books. That is the point where he should have used his voice to ask you to leave specific books alone. Or got off his arse and helped you. Either one would have stopped you using that book.

Another woman here, you didn’t ask for his help, you asked what he thought of the idea.

Thank you for your replies. I was wrong and unclear! I’m going to say sorry to DP.

As a woman - you didn't ask him for help.

At no point did you ask him to help you. He didn't even know you were going to actually do it. Nevertheless you expected him to read your mind about what you wanted him to do. Obviously he failed, just as you obviously failed reading his mind about which books it was ok to use.

@HowardTJMoon The op is right there, at the top of the page.
Absolute no need to quote it, especially just 6 posts in.

To add to the above comments (I'm a man, but that's not relevant to my comment)... assuming your house isn't a tip with books EVERYWHERE, surely one on the floor is one that's actually being used? Common sense would say to pick the old, stuffy books that haven't been used, or have been grown out of? Not one currently 'out'?

If you told him to you were going to do it, why didn't he hear you. Was he not paying much attention or did you say it out of earshot so he didn't hear?

It doesn't really matter anyway. It's a book. He can swap it for another one if he's bothered. Hopefully it helped your daughters cough and she slept better, that's what matters.

@NoneedtoquotetheOP you are absolutely right. I only realised when I posted it but then when I tried to edit my postt I couldn't see a way of removing the quoted text. Nor could I delete the post.

I think the request for help was implied when the OP said shall we put some books under the cot?

I think that gender is irrelevant in this but I think that the OP was implying a request for support and I think that it would have been nice to have had a bit more support from her partner in that situation.