Coping with an autistic daughter

[Pafans]

My 19 year old daughter was diagnosed ( privately) with autism when she was 14. With hindsight I recognise that her whole life has been a struggle to cope probably from birth to now. My wife is a teacher and a SENCO and copes quite well most of the time and so did I. However, I'm now buckling and the feelings of helplessness and guilt for not being able to help adequately are having a profound effect on my physical and emotional health. Is that selfish?
I've never communicated this with anyone else about this except my wife. I'm at a loss and just want my darling daughter to smile and be happy.

Hi, I didn't want this to go unanswered, but Dadsnet isn't a very busy board on here. Unless you wanted a perspective from Dads only, not Mums, then I'd ask MNHQ to move your thread to either Chat, or the section called Special Needs for Teens and Young Adults. It will have higher visibility there, so you'll hopefully get more support.

Thanks twiglets, I'll do that.

Are you open to counselling for yourself? I speak to one regularly.

No, I don't get counselling. Whenever I've shared with with others( very few) I always get a bemused look as if I'm making excuses for my daughter. My wife and I have raised 5 other children to adulthood all in their 30s, married with kids and professional careers so we feel we have a good understanding of how to nurture decent people to adulthood. Our youngest represents a daily challenge that I feel I ought to cope with without the need for counselling with a third party. Perhaps I'm too old fashioned.

It isn’t selfish. You’ll be more help to your daughter if you can step back a bit from over worrying about what’s out of your control, and do things that make you happy too.