Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Breastfeeding Toddler, not sleep training. Help.

1 reply

TryinghisbestDad · 07/04/2024 00:10

Seemingly, all the Dads I know, their partners stopped breastfeeding around 9 months to a year and then sleep trained. My partner still breastfeeds and doesn't want to sleep train. So our little one is feed to sleep late in the evening (ranges from 8-10pm) and is waking up every night about 2 hours later. I can never help as they don't want me so then little one and mum go to bed together and I mostly sleep on the sofa. This doesn't seem healthy to me as noone is really sleeping properly and little one is not learning to sleep in her own bed. Is there anyone is a similar situation?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SomeDudeCalledDad · 23/07/2024 17:45

You're not alone in this and it can be really frustrating. My daughter recently turned two and still wants the boob often, especially at night. I'll admit sometimes I feel left out and unwanted.

The good news is, your daughter is getting the most physically and emotionally beneficial care. We just had the two year review and the health visitor told us
the mother's milk is tailor made and adjusts with age, including things like fat content. Also a strong attachment to the primary caregiver is normal and beneficial for the child in the long run.

Us dads have a different role and it can feel like a long waiting game. I look forward to the end of breastfeeding and I'm not proud to admit I sometimes grumble about it. Yet it could go on until 3-4 years old or even longer, and if it does then I have to accept it's healthy and natural. That doesn't stop me feeling bad about it some days, but ultimately it's about what's best for the child.

Night weaning may not help - mother and child can breastfeed and get back to sleep much more quickly than with having to get up and prepare milk. Toddlers wake for comfort and not just nourishment. I think your daughter will be waking up for a while longer and will sleep in her own bed when she's ready.

You might also check out The Gentle Sleep Book (Sarah Ockwell-Smith) - it's unlikely to help you change the situation, but it'll help to explain why things are as they are and manage expectations. It's a long game requiring almost super human patience; I'd like to share some frank words with another author who smugly suggested we'd all be sleeping through the night after a year. Ho ho ho!

My advice is to ignore comparisons with others as every child and family is different. It sounds like your daughter is getting the care that she'll really benefit from and this phase won't last forever.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page