Feeling like a let down

[Stevecr]

Hi. I've been split up with my ex for a number of years after she was abusive. We have two children. 8 and 5. Have shared custody so they stay with me quite a lot each week and every other weekend but it's just getting harder and harder. I get the feeling they don't want to be with me anymore because I can't give them what they want/need. 5yo called me bossy and said he didn't want to come to see me anymore and my eldest struggles with anxiety with I realise now I probably havent been helping with, but actually making it worse. I hear they have such a good term with my ex and her family when they go out but yet for me, he will say he has tummy ache etc and doesnt want to go out or is worried about doing nice things, like other people have told him he shouldn't. They are well off and can do nice things. Spain this year and Disney in FLorida next year. All as a family. I have no family locally and financially work to give her money and just about get by with rent and bills on my own so holidays etc are so difficult for me to do. She has her parents who pay for everything like passes for all theme parks etc so they get to do so much fun stuff. TO be told by the younest that he doesn't want to be here was hard to hear. Guess I'm venting and really struggling at the moment. Don't know really where to go with this. Sorry.

[Escapetothecatshome]

I think it’s important to remember that even though you’re not there with them the whole time, you’re still their father and being consistent and ‘their’ physically and emotionally is what really matters. And is something that no money can buy. It is dispiriting hearing your child saying they don’t want to be here they want to there, but personally I think this is just normal child behaviour, don’t let your emotions amplify these things - I’d brush it off and take them out to do something fun, it doesn’t have to cost the earth. Theirs plenty of free things, crafty things to do with Easter coming up maybe and Easter egg hunt in the garden? These little magical things are the things we really remember about our childhood not theme parks.
Don’t be discouraged, and keep your chin up ! 😀

[YorkSwin]

I think it's wonderful you're there for them, and continue to be so. I only really saw my dad at the weekends, he had no money, worked a lot, and yet I have some really strong and defining memories from those times. When I was older he taught me to shave... He taught me to program. When I was younger, we went on walks, even late at night (perhaps a bit irresponsible, but was exciting when I was a kid!). Just keep trying to make a connection, share what you're passionate about (for my dad, it was science, star trek, space...) - it didn't cost a lot to watch TV together and nerd out about pictures of stars, but it had a lasting effect.

The above is easier said than done, but your kids are still young, and I'm sure there are already good memories. People don't remember most of the bad ones when they're older!