Feels impossible to make dad friends

[LondonDadOf2]

We have a two girls (3 years and 7 months) and moved to a new area last year, and I’m really struggling to make local dad friends or “family friends” more generally.

The oldest goes to a local nursery which is very small, we had some classmates round for my daughter’s birthday, got on well with parents but had no invites back. When I bump into them on pickup the dads make no effort or are even more shy than me. Can’t tell which.

Wife is on mat leave and has met some mums this time (as opposed to the first time during Covid) but sees them during the week and they never bring partners/husbands anyway.

My general impression is that most dads aren’t looking for more dad friends. I do understand that, as there is barely time to breathe as a parent and with work, family and our “real” friends. Plus we men tend to rely on their partners for social connections, too.

I’m lucky to have a large friendship group but none with young kids. I feel like my social life is stuck in my 20s, whereas everywhere I go I see couple friends or just dad friends with kids. I want to be able to share these times with other dads, not relive wild nights out in the pub. And as someone that isn’t a natural “loner” this is really starting to get me down.

[pambeeslyhalpert2]

I feel you OP. I have a dad friend who I met through swimming, we meet up weekly now and it's lovely but he has this struggle as well.

He doesn't have any dad friends but has a few mum friends. It's really hard for dads. Do you go to any local groups? My husband dosent have any dad friends but be doesn't do anything solo with our daughter so it's basically impossible.

[AlligatorPsychopath]

DH didn't meet any dads until our DC started school, now he has a lot of dad friends. Things are likely to get better when your oldest starts school proper. Taking them to birthday parties on the weekend is often a good way to meet the other parents.

Look out for any playgroups that are just dads as well. There's a weekend dads only playgroup in our local area.

[CosilyRosily]

Can you do an activity with your older daughter where there are likely to be lots of dads? Around us, Saturday morning Little Kickers is always full of dads but assume the same would apply to many weekend activities...

[rampagingrobot]

If you setup a WhatsApp group or something for the birthday party put out on that you are heading to the park or something tomorrow and would anyone like to join you etc.

We did that after our son's birthday and then other people started posting as well, and now it's become a general play date group for the kiddies and social group for the olds.

[cocksstrideintheevening]

The majority of the problem is that a high percentage of kids are picked up by granny / childminder / nanny on various days so there is no continuity. Applies to mums too.

Our local library does a dads drop in on a Saturday morning.

I wouldn't focus on making dad friends it will happen organically

[Noicant]

I second the whatsapp group, we did it at nursery, we had a general playdate thing where anyone planning to take their kid somewhere and wanting a playmate posted “hey I’m going to softplay at x time on x day”. Many people are grateful to have company for their kids. Dad’s started joining activities once they were sure some other dads would show (I live in the ME though so it was a bit slower than it may be in the Uk).

You won’t get on with everyone but you will probably meet a few you connect with. Main thing is chat to everyone, I know it’s easier for women in some ways as there are more about but I chat to whoever is there. Chat to the mums too, I happily chat to whoever’s dad is there and wouldn’t be bothered about going on a playdate etc with a dad.

[CobbldyCook]

@rampagingrobot

If you setup a WhatsApp group or something for the birthday party put out on that you are heading to the park or something tomorrow and would anyone like to join you etc.

We did that after our son's birthday and then other people started posting as well, and now it's become a general play date group for the kiddies and social group for the olds.

This is a great suggestion. It’s worked well for our family too, even I found it a bit odd at first (not being into social media etc.)

[BatheInTheLight]

Our new neighbour is a nice guy and said about me going around some time, I think he'd like to be friends. Truth be told, I get my social fix on the two days I'm in the office and with my wife as we are the best of friends. When the kids are finally asleep, that's my time that I really don't want to share with anyone. I wouldn't take it personally. People's lives are busy and you have to be more selective with your time when you have young children who take up most of it.

On school pickup I'll smile and say hi, but I really don't want to get into much of a conversation, I'm there to collect and leave. That's the mission.

[EmmaPaella]

My DH joined a playgroup on a Saturday for Dads. Could you find one of those? He still meets up with them and we go for walks at weekends. He actually has more parent friends than me because of this group.

[QueefQueen80s]

At my kids school the mums are all chatting bar the odd few but none of the dads chat and there's loads of them.

[dadnorthants]

I had a similar experience recently, and it's not easy. At the moment I'm mostly relying on my wife introducing me to the nursery dads through her mum groups.

As a result of thinking about this, I actually set up a weekly newsletter to try to share and embrace some of the shared hilarity that comes with fatherhood. It's free and comes into your inbox each Saturday. If you simply just want a reminder that 'it's not just you', or just fancy a 5-min laugh each week, then I'd love anyone to sign up and see what you think.

https://fordads.substack.com/

[4naansjeremy]

Once the eldest starts primary school I’m sure you will be inundated with Dad friends! For now I would try to maintain your friendship with childless friends too. No doubt they will start families too eventually.

my Social life revolves around a 6 a side football group that I joined a few years ago.