Help and Advice

[DDD99]

Hi
 
I am a married dad of nearly 20 years and we have 2 wonderful daughters, aged 13 and 16. We all have a great relationship, but sometimes the girls do forget respect for me and I often tell them. 
The young one has a habit of ‘messing around’ sticking her middle finger up at me, and I have often said this is inappropriate. 
 
I work from home, run my own business, and have those pressures also. I work constantly and have literally no time to myself. It has been quite a stressful few months, starting with our eldest doing her important high school exams whilst we were keeping the 13yr old away from her whilst she is studying. On top of this, our 13yr old needed a lot of persuading to revise for her own exams, which was rather challenging in itself. Along side this, the 13yr old has a lot of social anxiety. Although she has a large group of ‘girl’ friends, they can be very overpowering, mean and generally just acting like bitchy girls which she takes to heart and gets very upset. She is afraid to stand up to them and it’s not the right time for her to walk away from them just yet. Most days are great with her friends, but the ones that are not, she is crying and we deal with her sympathetically. At her age, we can’t get involved and speak to parents or school as this will make things worse for her. 
 
We often have arguments as all families do, with giving her advice on how to handle the situations but she is very very stubborn and won’t listen. Last weekend, it call came to a head, and I royally kicked off. We were advising her to handle a situation in a certain way, there were raised voices and she told me F* Off. That was it, I totally lost my rag, slapped her leg, threw her phone and I have never shouted like that before. I was in a total rage. I was so angry, I ripped my shirt and jumper off my back and punched the dining chair in another room. I was mortified by my actions. I was angry and could not calm down. I went for some fresh air and a long walk. Eventually I came home and calmed down. We hugged and apologised and everything was ok in the end.
 
When the topic of friends comes up, I feel very anxious and panic inside.
 
So, the point of this is, I still feel absolutely terrible at how I acted. I don't whether I have blown a fuse in my head due to the shouting and ranting. I am worried I have cause myself some damage inside, l She says she totally fine and is acting her usual self. I do have slight headaches that come and go but I think the is tension.
 
Thoughts, help, advice?
 
Thanks for listening.

[Hateitissues]

You sound like you need serious help

and in the meantime, move out of the family home.

What a shit show.

[Hateitissues]

I don't whether I have blown a fuse in my head due to the shouting and ranting. 

and to top it off, you sound utterly thick. Oh and a drama llama

i call BS

[DDD99]

@Hateitissues

I don't whether I have blown a fuse in my head due to the shouting and ranting. 

and to top it off, you sound utterly thick. Oh and a drama llama

i call BS

Thanks for the help there. Good job.

[Feverly]

Live elsewhere, your daughters should not be made to be around a violent male, ever. There’s no excuse.

[Hateitissues]

@DDD99

Thanks for the help there. Good job.

I really don’t care.

but if it was possible to “blow a fuse” in your head, I can’t think of a more deserving person than you

[Clarachuff]

You were so angry you ripped your shirt and jumper off? Really?

[Dacadactyl]

I think you should go to your GP about the tension headaches.

You have not covered yourself in glory acting the way you did, but teenagers would test the patience of a Saint.

Maybe look into some relaxation and calming techniques so that if she starts up again you can take yourself off quietly to calm down and then deal with her in a sensible manner.

[Hateitissues]

The pulling off your clothes like some sort of barbarian

gross

[GetYourHandsOffMyCake]

Why are you working all the time ("I work constantly and have literally no time to myself")? Can't you find any time at all to spend with your 13 year old? She's crying out for attention. Where's your wife in all of this?

[Feverly]

No child should be made to spend time with a domestic abuser. The child should be in therapy, the violent abuser should be living elsewhere. Hopefully the wife reports the disgusting acts to the police.

[Lilly0909]

I'd leave you for this behaviour. How terrifying for your family. My brother and I were terrible, insolent teens with lots of dramas and meltdowns and has never scared us or been violent once. This is unacceptable behaviour and if it continues it will teach your daughters that it is acceptable behaviour from men. Sort it out, have you spoken to your wife? I imagine your daughter is shaken up if you hit her.

[titchy]

@Clarachuff

You were so angry you ripped your shirt and jumper off? Really?

Is your last name Banner?

[Hungrycaterpillarsmummy]

Lol

[piedbeauty]

I don't whether I have blown a fuse in my head due to the shouting and ranting. I am worried I have cause myself some damage inside

You sound like a complete muppet and a typical bloke, wanting respect yet completely unable to respect anyone else.

Sort yourself out before you do permanent damage to your dc.

If I were married to you, I'd divorce you over this. You sound unhinged.