Abortion Guilt

28 replies

CTC13 · 23/06/2023 09:14

Hi all,

I didn’t know where else to come for advice/support on this horrible subject.

My partner has just found out she’s pregnant again. We already have two sons and this would be our third child.

we’ve always talked about having a third but our youngest is only 7 months old.

My concern is mainly whether I can financially support my whole family with another baby. I don’t want to cause stress between me and my partner and consequently pass that stress on to my current two sons.

another worry is whether she’ll be able to cope with what will then be a 1 year old and a newborn at the same time as still giving our 5 year old what he needs.

I think because it’s obviously harder for her as she has to go through it, that she’s thinking less rationally than I may be.

But now I’m feeling guilt because in the back of my mind I’m thinking ‘well, what if it would work absolutely fine’.

We already struggle a little financially as the cost of living is increasing considerably and I don’t want to subject another baby to this stress if it’s going to make it harder on everyone including all of us a family unit.

I’d really appreciate the thoughts or advice from anyone whether you’ve been through this kind of thing or not.

Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

CTC13 · 23/06/2023 19:24

GrumpyPanda · 23/06/2023 19:13

OP I can't say from my own experience but my sister's dc2 und dc3 had exactly that age gap with another 5 years between dc1 und dc2. BIL is very involved but working full time and commutes 60 mind one way so rather restricted in his input. It's worked out quite well. Hard to see into other peoples' marriages but I know the real challenge only came when they recklessly decided for dc4 a few more years later - they now both admit having hugely underestimated the step from having 3 to having 4. Dc2 and 3 aren't particularly close despite being so close in age but all the kids together are very attached to each other (and have tried to badger their poor parents into providing them with another sibling!)

Talk with your partner, it's definitely doable if you are both behind it and contributing actively to family life. Agree with a pp though that marriage would be fair vis-a-vis your partner, as will be looking into securing her pension etc.

Thank you so much for this. People are taking the way it was written out of context and this was what I was looking for.

Really appreciate this.

it’s my first post on here and I didn’t know the way things were written would create the image of me being a deadbeat.

OP posts:

Original poster

CTC13 · 23/06/2023 19:25

homm · 23/06/2023 17:36

There really is some vile replies here. How, from a few paragraphs can anyone tell this man is a deadbeat dad? He seems as though he's providing for his family so that his wife can be a SAHM. He's also thinking in the best interests of his current children and his wife as to whether keeping the baby is right for them. Also, to anyone mentioning vasectomies, it takes two to tango and it's also on his wife to sort some birth control out for herself. Why the blame instantly goes on the male is beyond me...

Thank you for this. Nice to see there are some people living in the real world on here

OP posts:

ZebraDilemma · 23/06/2023 19:26

Whadda · 23/06/2023 10:01

The only relevant question here is-

What does your wife want to do?

This, if your wife wants to keep the baby then that is the decision.

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