Mothers rights | Mumsnet

Kdw1979 · 2023-05-17T19:46:28+00:00

I am looking to move house and now have a partner having not had one before. Does the mum have a right to meet my partner and visit my house? She is very controlling and I want her as little involved in my life as possible.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 17/05/2023 21:01

No, she doesn't.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 17/05/2023 21:03

I have a controlling abusive ex, and he has never and will never set foot in or in any way visit my house where me and the children live. It's a bit inconvenient because I always have to take the dc somewhere for handover - even if he is doing most of the travelling, but it's worth it for my peace of mind and mental health.

Doyoumind · 17/05/2023 21:04

No she doesn't but your main concern should be when it's appropriate for your DC to meet this woman. Whilst she might not have a legal right to prevent it, she has a right to be concerned for her DC's welfare.

PaigeMatthews · 17/05/2023 21:06

Do you mean you dont want her to visit (reasonable) or you dont want her to know where you live?

How ling have you been with the new partner?

Cantthinkofaname2203 · 17/05/2023 21:10

Doyoumind · 17/05/2023 21:04

No she doesn't but your main concern should be when it's appropriate for your DC to meet this woman. Whilst she might not have a legal right to prevent it, she has a right to be concerned for her DC's welfare.

Agreed.

however the concern for the dc welfare extends only to whether they are safe and cared for with dad/nrp

if she thinks they are not safe then they aren’t safe full stop. She can’t dictate who they see/what they do/where they go on nrp time.

if she thinks nrp can’t safeguard the dc while they are with them, then she should seek advice from the appropriate authority. She can’t just decide her own terms.

Original poster

Kdw1979 · 17/05/2023 21:55

Thank you. My partner is lovely with my children and has 2 of her own. We're moving in together but I don't want my ex in my/our lives. I will give her my address as I believe she has a right to know where the children are when they're not with her (am I right?), but I don't want her setting foot in the house or meeting my partner because she's toxic. Previously she checked out my last house to check that it was suitable for the children but I don't want to go there again this time and want my full privacy from her.

OP posts:

PaigeMatthews · 17/05/2023 22:03

Kdw1979 · 17/05/2023 21:55

Thank you. My partner is lovely with my children and has 2 of her own. We're moving in together but I don't want my ex in my/our lives. I will give her my address as I believe she has a right to know where the children are when they're not with her (am I right?), but I don't want her setting foot in the house or meeting my partner because she's toxic. Previously she checked out my last house to check that it was suitable for the children but I don't want to go there again this time and want my full privacy from her.

That sounds reasonable.

how long have you been in a relationship with the new partner?

YukoandHiro · 17/05/2023 22:07

How old are your children with the ex? If they're young I think her wanting to just check out a place is perfectly reasonable as a request. I personally wouldn't let my children stay overnight in the same house as an adult I hadn't met.
I understand that you don't get on with your ex, but how are you supposed to co-parent practically if you refuse her the chance to meet a person your children will be sleeping in the same house as?

Cantthinkofaname2203 · 17/05/2023 22:17

YukoandHiro · 17/05/2023 22:07

How old are your children with the ex? If they're young I think her wanting to just check out a place is perfectly reasonable as a request. I personally wouldn't let my children stay overnight in the same house as an adult I hadn't met.
I understand that you don't get on with your ex, but how are you supposed to co-parent practically if you refuse her the chance to meet a person your children will be sleeping in the same house as?

Why?

she either trusts o/p with the kids or she doesn’t.

you can’t co-parent without trust that the dc are being taken care of properly when with ex.

if she is concerned that he can’t make good decisions about who her children see and whether the house is appropriate then she shouldn’t allow contact at all.

does she get to vet everyone who comes to visit? Friends? Cousins?

is she not allowed to have anyone stay overnight at her house with the kids if the ex hasn’t met them? Does he get to vet her new house if she moves?

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 18/05/2023 08:06

Legally, she has no right to know or meet anyone who you choose to spend time with while the children are with you. You are their parent as well and she cannot interfere with your parenting decisions during your contact time unless they put the children at risk.

If she is so awful, might she have the potential to refuse contact over not meeting your partner? Might it be possible to arrange a short meeting in a public place? I think it's more reasonable for her to feel she wants to meet your partner who will be living where the children stay. If you make sure she doesn't have her contact details, her capacity for toxicity is very limited in that regard?