Am I in my right to send Daughter to family member in my care

[Graveturtle]

A breif description of my situation

Ive been apart from my ex nearly 4 years now
I live with new partner and we have my three children regularly. Everyone in the household get along but my eldest daughter has now been showing displays of disrespect towards me and my partner. To the extent she has hit and kicked me and tells my partner to shut up she doesnt have a say

Ive tried numerous occassions to talk with her on a level, but it doesnt seem to be setting in. Ive explained that rules in our house may differ from your mums, but whilst you are here, you respect our rules. We both pay towards the house and your little brother and sister follow the rules

There obviously is history between me and ex and the disrespect towards me certainly stems from this

The past 2 weeks I've taken it upon myself to take all 3 children to my mothers, to try diffuse the hostile situation between me and my partner, however, this is a massive upheaval as she lives a 30 min drive.

I don't want her in my home at this moment in time and am looking into counselling for us both, but in the meantime, I need to make her realise its not ok

The little 2 children are suffering, as am I, my partner and mother. What's the next step I ask?

As her mother refuses to keep her till its sorted, I'm thinking of stripping further luxuries of the home and send her to my Aunties. Its walking distance from her school, she's 13 years of age and the walk is only 20mins.

She shows no remorse, empathy and spends to much time on her phone to acknowledge what its going on around her. She insists she is happy to come to our house but wont talk to my partner. I said that's not how a family home works and I'm not happy with that mentality

Good solution? In my right? Please advise

I don't want her in my home

As her mother refuses to keep her till its sorted, I'm thinking of stripping further luxuries of the home and send her to my Aunties

I cannot believe what I have just read. This is abhorrent.

What is the history between you and mother? I suspect that will reveal a lot.

She's a child and you essentially want to kick her out.

zombie post

So its a huge disruption for you to drive 30 mins and yet a 20 min walk is ok?

Thats all by the by

Your daughters parent split when she was just 9

Im 59 right now and my parent split when I was 11. And that trauma shaped my life. I, and my two sisters have had struggles all our lives, we are a very fractured family

My husband is also the father of two children from a previous relationship and I can tell you, it was bloody tough, its not easy being around angry, distressed kids, when they dont know how to tell you how they are hurting. So they show anger, disrespect and down right rudeness

No you dont give them a free ride, what you do is to be there, 100%. You might not like her behaviour, her words, but shes the child, you are the adult, you just have to decide what battles are woth the fight and which arent. Decide on the rules, and dont make them that she will always fail, and stick to them

When partners daughter lived with us during her teens, the rules that we never backed down on were school attendance and school work, home for dinner and a contact number other then a mobile if she was heading out to friends

They were set in stone, no backing down, so when she did decide to skip off school, I then escorted her in and collected her every evening, I didnt give off to her every day, I told her from the start that I would do it if she bunked off, and do it I did. The small rules, well they weren't worth losing sleep over, like keep her bedroom tidy, if she didnt - her mess. Bring her washing down, she didnt, it was her who didnt get fresh sheets that week

The one thing we did, we were consistent . The ground rules were laid out and we stuck to them. Did we care she was stuck to her phone? Probably but as long as it wasnt on the dinner table and she joined in the evening meal, it was a battle we were not going to win so why make life more stressful Was she smoking? Hell we both knew she was but the rule was, no smoking in front of us or in the house ever. Was she drinking, most probably, so the rule was, we had to have a contact number for where she was

Teens are hell on earth at the best of time. You unfortunately have a young teen who has had so many changes in such a shot space of time , that she is struggling and acting out. For you to pass the buck isnt a good idea at all. Be a parent, thats all shes needs, A loving consistent parent who's not going to give up