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6 replies

Zola0203 · 11/02/2023 20:58

Hi everyone,
Long time single dad here. I've struggled to maintain long term relationships for various reasons, and obviously always put my lottle girl first.
I'm currently seeing someone who recently moved in with me, and who gets on great with my girl who I have at weekends.
My partner is getting upset that my daughter comes to snuggle with me (on my side of the bed, not hers) around 6 am and thinks this is unreasonable. She thinks we should put a timer on her joining me in bed of 8am, but I love that my daughter still wants to snuggle and I know I won't get too many more years of that (she's nearly 10).

Does anyone have any opinions or advice for this scenario?

So many thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Sucessinthenewyear · 11/02/2023 21:01

I’m assuming your new partner doesn’t having children? Compared to others my children are up relatively late but asking them to stay in bed until 8 is beyond what they are capable of. I wonder if she just isn’t aware of what is normal for most children. In a few years she will be a teenager and it will probably very different.

Would your partner feel more comfortable if your daughter woke you up and you got into your daughter’s bed?


Reugny · 11/02/2023 21:02

I think your partner is using the time as an excuse.
A child can very easily say things that can be (deliberately) misinterpreted by their other parent.


Reugny · 11/02/2023 21:06

Would your partner feel more comfortable if your daughter woke you up and you got into your daughter’s bed?

Do this.

If your partner objects to this then you need to split up and wait until your child is in secondary school to have a relationship.

I suspect some of your issues with relationships is that you aren't able to state and then enforce clear boundaries that are logical and emotionally intelligent with your child, your child's mother and other people in your life.


LivingDeadGirlUK · 11/02/2023 21:09

I think its great you enjoy the morning together and tbh I can understand that if you only get the weekends together (even if my first thought when reading that was omg I really hope my son isn't still waking me up at 6am when he is 10!). Like PP says in a few years its going to be completely different.

If your GF doesn't have kids I imagine being woken up at 6am on the weekend isn't ideal, but ultimately she has moved into you and your daughters place. Could you compromise by going and getting in with your daughter instead when she wakes you?

Being honest it doesn't bode well for the teenage years if your partner is already annoyed with this minor inconvenience.


Pseudonamed · 11/02/2023 21:17

You new partner needs to move out and cop herself on. The cuddles wont last much longer and you can meet someone more tolerant.


Bobty123 · 18/03/2023 08:59

Speaking from experience here, either tell her that what is happening is ok and she has to accept it, come to a compromise like someone else suggested by going to her room, or tell her to go.

at the end of the day, she is your child, and you should only do what you are happy and comfortable with. She can raise concerns but at the end of the day, it’s your decision.

as a few others have said, it will all be gone in couple years, they grow up so quick and with only having her on the weekends, you should make the most of every little thing.

I was with my partner after separating from kids mum for 3 years, and at first it was perfect but started changing after she also moved in, she would start saying why are they waking you up to get up? Why can’t they just go downstairs and leave us to sleep… bear in mind at this stage they were 6. Then more things would creep up and she would say this needs to happen, that needs to happen. All came to and end when she started saying I have my kids too much and don’t spend enough time with her and I should change it. I had my kids every weekend and every Tuesday after school until the evening. I told her I would never change how much I have them and if she wasn’t happy with that then she should go as they’re my kids and I will spend as much time with them as I wanted.

a good question I feel you should ask your partner to get a gauge on her compatibility with you having kids… ask her, hypothetically something happened which resulted in me having my daughter full time, how would you feel? And pay attention to her answer as it will give you so much information into her understanding that this is your child and no matter what, they will always come first.

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