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Divorced dad in need of help

11 replies

Hubby21 · 28/12/2022 23:32

This will be a long rambling post but I need to get it out.

Met my ex when I was 18 we gott married when I was 25, she is 6 months younger than me.

We had our first daughter when I was 27 and everything thing was good. Then about two years after she said she wasn't sure about our relationship and I convinced her to keep trying.

We then had a second daughter when I was 29 and ex-partner suffered with back pain (turned out to be a slipped disk) and possible post partem depression, no matter how much I asked she wouldn't seek help.

During this time I took on 95% of the parenting duties but still tried my best to include her in everything we did. 'We're going to the park do you want to join us', 'what would you like to do with the girls today' etc.

We got divorced in August this year and I know 100% I made the correct choice for me. There is a part of me that feels like I have let my kids down and I should have stuck with the misery for them and put on a brave face to carry on.

The way I feel now I know deep down that if I knew it wouldn't hurt them I would have hurt myself.

OP posts:
Lexi868 · 28/12/2022 23:38

You soj d like you've been a great husband and dad. You've taken on responsibilities and put up with a lot. You didn't say who initiated the divorce? She was unsure after your first child but I'm wondering if after your second child together and her inability to take on responsibilities, that you were more on board with it later?
Never think that staying is better for children. I grew up begging my parents to divorce because they were toxic together (still married) and stuck in a vicious circle of aggressive arguments, denial, stonewalling and small bursts of calm. Only to be continued again. I begged them to divorce so I could have some sanity.

I'm glad you haven't hurt yourself and you've kept your kids in mind and they kept your going.

Where are you now with things re your ex and your kids? Is it amicable

Lexi868 · 28/12/2022 23:39


Hubby21 · 28/12/2022 23:56

In may last year she asked to leave again but I convinced her to stay. I wanted to wait until COVID was over and she was back in the office etc being able to meet with adults full time again.

I told her at the time that she would have to be the one actively continue the relationship. Eventually I became clear to me that she wasn't interested in me anymore. She was talking about going off on a month long holiday with a group of people she had me online because I would go off with the RAF reserve for 2 weeks a year.

After Christmas I had a discussion with her and we decided that we should split up.

OP posts:
Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 00:20

What was her issue? She definitely took the relationship for granted and it sounds like you are better off out of it. Something also is making me feel her actions are quite childish. I'm not sure if that's me making assumptions but there is a lack of maturity to how she sounds to have been behaving and handling things.

Hubby21 · 29/12/2022 00:30

I honestly wish I knew. She used to say she felt trapped but whenever I asked her what she wanted to do I would say go for it we will make it work.

I think she was trying to find a problem to justify her actions but never could.

I try to keep things as amicable as I can but she doesn't make it easy. I'll ask questions about the girls school, clubs etc and get no answer. Frustrating is an understatement.

I'm looking forward to the new year when hopefully we will have sorted out the house. Although it will feel bad for the girls moving back and forth each week, I know how hard that what been for me.

OP posts:
cassiatwenty · 18/02/2023 20:33

How are you feeling and doing right now @Hubby21 , how are you coping? Sending you good vibes 🙂

Daddy2girls · 24/02/2023 11:31

Hi, how old are the kids now?

cassiatwenty · 04/03/2023 12:16

Sending you good vibes @Hubby21 😊🤞

Peachops · 05/03/2023 18:49

Still being there for your kids is all that matters now. Get your ex to move nearby and you can still share parenting responsibilities and be involved in their lives - but happier!

Hubby21 · 05/03/2023 22:13

I'm doing better now but still have bad moments. The mortgage should be sorted next week so she will have her money and can move out for good which will allow me to move on for good.

OP posts:
cassiatwenty · 10/03/2023 02:14

Hubby21 · 05/03/2023 22:13

I'm doing better now but still have bad moments. The mortgage should be sorted next week so she will have her money and can move out for good which will allow me to move on for good.

I'm relieved you're doing better @Hubby21, it's completely normal to go through bad moments as this is a major life change.

Ugh, I'm sorry you have to deal with this all by yourself. True, you will have room for other and better people once this phase is over. I understand it's easy to be cynical, yet at the same time not all people are like her.

Sending hugs xxx

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