I need a guys perspective......

That's really awful, I really feel for you. We had our daughter through IVF and ICSI. After the first round of IVF, my wife conceived naturally, but the baby had Turners and died in the womb at 6 months.

Did you know you wanted to be a father? What were your fears?

I wanted to be a father, really really! I think that my biggest fear was having a disabled child. I also worried about how they'd turn out when older; would they make a good go of their life, or get in trouble with the Police, for example.

Your partner seems a bit strange, to me. Why would he not be up front from the start? Perhaps he was hoping that you wouldn't conceive and then sort of let it slide, for being too old? He may be great in other ways, but this is a major failing to lead you on so.

I'm really sorry to read what you have been going through. I knew that I wanted children. My first wife didn't and we just plodded along in our marriage until our mid 30s until it reached a point where we couldn't carry on with both having different outlooks. It wasn't something that could be compromised on and moving on was better for both of us. I've since remarried and have two children. I never had any doubts but then I never really knew quite what to expect. I've certainly never regretted it.

"When I did, the response wasn't what I wanted. The news was met with dred and the disclosure of my partner not wanting to go ahead with the pregnancy.
My world flipped on its head. I wanted this pregnancy more than anything. There was no alternative for me but as crazy in love as I was/am I understood if he wanted to keep his distance and not be involved. "


I find that really hard to reconcile with a 'great guy'.
He was having unprotected sex.
He knew you wanted children.
He knew you'd left a relationship based on your desire for children.

When you became pregnant he told you he didn't want it?

I'm amazed you got past that, to be honest. I'm sorry for your loss, and the hard fertility journey you've been on.

Sorry I'm not a bloke. Just felt so strongly the desire to say something.

I am a man and fully agree with @picklemewalnuts.

I would go as far to say that if starting a family is what you need to do then you need to end this relationship.

I'm not a man either, sorry! But my husband was on the fence about kids until he met me, then wanted them before he got too old.
I'm so sorry OP, I think you'll have to end this relationship if you want kids that much. And this feeling is going to get stronger and stronger over the next few years for you.
I'm afraid this guy isn't the one for you.

This boyfriend wanted you to abort, after he chose to impregnate you and has told you he doesn’t want a kid ‘anytime soon’ (which is precisely when you’d need to be conceiving), believe him. Look into other options, this bloke isn’t it. Is he still having unprotected sex with you? Because that is trying to conceive.

-also I’m not a bloke either, but good luck, he sounds awful.

I'm not a man but struggling to see how you think he's so amazing.

He lied to you about wanting children despite knowing your background & how much you wanted them. When you then fell pregnant he behaved badly & yet he's still hanging around hoping that you won't get pregnant again. You know if you do, he'll behave the exact same way again.

In essence, you are trying to overcome your fertility challenges while he is essentially hoping that you won't.

He doesn't sound like a great guy at all.

I'm sorry if my comment upset you. It's vey blunt in hindsight & I should have worded it better.

I have fertility issues myself & know the mix of emotions that go with it.

After years of resisting it, I went for counselling and it really helped me clear my head. My brain was fried from overthinking every possible scenario at the time. What if this? What if that? I was also angry at the position I found myself in.

I also went to a really good gynaecologist how spelt out everything for me. My changes, the challenges, risks etc. Ironically, I have a really high AMH for my age but it doesn't even help me.

You're not insane or crazy at all. It's a shit position to be in.

Re dating, I think I'd have the conversation within a few dates. It's important in both directions- if he's dead keen, your difficulty may be a deal breaker. Obviously he may not want them at all. You are looking for a man that's happy either way.

I'd be tempted to start the process of doing it independently, and hope to meet someone in the meantime.

@Hopefullhopeful having read your words and the difficult time you have had, as well as the responses I wanted to try to answer your questions.
I had an ex who got pregnant unexpectedly, and decided we were too young, 19 and 18, so had an abortion, which broke me even at 19. That was part of why we split, then met who would become my wife and I already knew I wanted children and lots. So when we were getting serious and felt it would be long term then we decided to let nature take its course and went on the have 3 children.

Every year around September, as that is when the baby would have been born, I think about what could have been and wonder how the baby would have become an adult, what she would have looked like, as I felt it was a girl, silly I know.

I don't regret things in a way, as it was a nasty end to a relationship and would have meant staying in contact with her etc but do wish the baby had been born as well.

I didn't want to waste and chance or possibility of having children after that experience, just in case it would never happen, so I would say if it's something you want so badly, do what you can to make it happen and if that means with someone else, ultimately you have to decide if having a baby is more important than being with him, as it may come down to that.