Relationship problems

[Hungariansteven]

Hy Everyone!

To be honest, I don't know where to start, although I am sure, I'm not the only one who facing similar problems. I'm a new dad, my baby boy is almost 6 months old, and of course, I love him. Since he was born, my relationship with my wife getting worse day by day. She is tense and nervous every day, because she feel herself tired and exhausted and I feel like a "punching bag"... Agressive quarreling every day, for no fcking reason. She loves our boy, too much, and the baby gets all the attention and according to my wife, I don't help enough. Maybe it's a partial truth, although I do the feeding, changing the diaper 1-2 times a day, and bathe the child at least 3-4 times a week, but man, I am working as well. It's hard to describe the feeling, but when the baby starts to cry, I feel it's my fault, "why you not there and not helping us??"... Before we decided we are having a child, we agreed, that we won't leave our complete "old life". Even so everything changed and nothing left from our old life. I used to train 3-4 times a week, I haven't been in the gym since my boy was born. We used to go to cinema, escape rooms, smaller parties, etc. , but we haven't been everywhere since our boy was born. Sex is 0 for a couple of months, I feel so, she doesn't want anything from me. I am depressed and I've never felt so alone myself like now. I started to drink, 2 beers a day, it's not much, but it can be the start of a neverending slope. And I don't see the light in the end of the tunnel, I don't know when will be anything easier and better. Every good advice or experience would be appreciated!

I’ve picked up on the fact that you say ‘bathe the child’ and ‘the baby’ which seems to be you distancing yourself from your son. It’s not a very soft and loving way to say it.
Do you resent your son ?

Yeah, I picked up on this too…

also, when you say she loves your boy “too much”, do you really mean that in the way that it sounds? She will love your boy with everything that she has, and a love of that nature, in my opinion, can never be too much.

your son will be getting attention because he needs it - this isn’t to make you feel bad, it’s because it’s necessary for him to have that attention. He has needs that need attending to - don’t take it personally, or at least try not to. Also, your wife will be snappy and take it out on you - you’re the only one she can do that to! Again, this isn’t something you should take personally, it’s because she’s still likely to be very hormonal. Take it on the chin and find ways to release the stress your feel - make time to go to the gym and do something for you - but do it at nap times and be back before he wakes up!

if you’re really struggling with how you feel, there is no shame in talking to someone - your dad, brother, best friend, whoever. Just don’t sit there wallowing. Talk.

hope things look up for you soon!

Ride the wave , as hard as it feels now it does get 100x better, this is almost carbon copy of situation I went through. It's just a combination of heightened emotions, lack of sleep and a MASSIVE change to your lives! I used to train 4-5 times a week also and haven't trained now for 3 years... dad bods are called that for a reason. Just embrace the moments you can grasp at the moment. Time for training and things alike will reveal themselves once you've both regained traction in your relationship and lives, and the baby becomes a little less dependant (as silly as that sounds)

Your wife will give you more attention once her body tells her that the baby is ready to have less attention.

What I read is
feeding and nappy = 7 hours a week
bathing = 3 hours a week (although probably much less)
Working and travel = 60 hours (generous stab in the dark)

70 hours a week when you’re working or looking after the baby leaving 158 hours a week when your wife is responsible for the baby. Your wife is clearly doing way more hours than you. No wonder she doesn’t have any energy or mental space for you.