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Contact arrangements for 11yo

58 replies

Dan1214 · 23/10/2022 13:12

Hi, my ex wife left me when our daughter was 1 week old. Long story but there were different factors. We didn't communicate until our daughter was 1yo but then she applied for a divorce and I applied for child arrangement order. The court ordered 2-weekly sessions in a contact centre but the time always fell on my working weekends. I only managed to attend 2 sessions but my daughter was all cranky (she was 2yo by then) and the sessions were not successful. Somehow I was told that there were only 10 sessions paid by cafcass and I had to pay for any further sessions myself. I couldn't afford them. So basically, the contact never happened. I then met someone and moved to Scotland. My ex and I didn't get in touch. Last year my gf and I broke up and I moved back to England. I applied to Court again for contact enforcement, and we've been in court proceedings for 8 months now. My ex says that my daughter doesn't know me and doesn't want to see me as it's been technically 11 years of no contact. It turns out that my ex is also married and her new husband has been raising my daughter since she was 2! So basically he is her daddy and I'm no one. I'm being criticised that I never took her to court earlier, but no one cares that I simply couldn't afford it. Anyways, what are my chances to get direct contact with my daughter who is 11 years old now and is refusing to see me? Is there a procedure to make her mother liable to arrange contact ?

OP posts:
Nottodaty · 30/10/2022 09:02

You aren’t part of her life.

You have a lot of excuses and that’s all they are excuses. You even blame your daughter for being cranky.

She has a father who stepped up and has been part of her life.

You are a stranger who walked out on her life and still hasn’t accepted any responsibility for that.

yes you are flesh and blood if you want to be part of her life suddenly remember that her Mum only knows you as someone who walks away blames others and she will want to protect her daughter from that person. Someone who could do it all again, met a new partner and move 100 miles away.

SD1978 · 30/10/2022 09:06

This isn't a post that's going to go well- you haven't made any effort, or paid anything for your daughter up until now because it was too much for you, for whatever reason. You moved, didn't attempt to have any contact, and seem suprised that they have all moved on. How about starting with paying CSM? As well as court? That may show your ex that you are actually prepared to be involved. Would you agree to contact centre again? This is a child who has had nothing to do with you through your own choices, who you are now demanding to have involvement with. It will be tough for her.

TheOrigRights · 30/10/2022 09:34

What is the "long story" and "different factors"?
Why were you only access in a contact centre?
These suggest that you needed supervision to be with your daughter.

I see that you admit you've made some mistakes (no shit) and that you want to now have a relationship with your DD but you have to accept that it's not just a matter of what YOU want.

TheOrigRights · 30/10/2022 09:37

@SD1978 where did the OP say he hasn't paid maintenance?
I suspect you are right, but has he said as much?

YellowMonday · 30/10/2022 09:54

The reality is, as many others have said, you are not her dad. You may be biologically but that's it.

Your comments are all "me" focused; what about the disruption coming back into her life with bring? And the fact is she doesn't want to see you. You gave up fighting for contact as a baby/child, you left the country and left her, and you only returned when your relationship broke up.

SD1978 · 30/10/2022 19:18

@TheOrigRights I am making an assumption- and happy to apologise if wrong!

NukaColaQuantum · 30/10/2022 20:16

A mistake is dropping a mug and breaking it.

A mistake is not actively choosing, every day that you wake up, for 11 years, or to be more clear, you chose, 4015 times, not to see your child.

It makes me mad that you’re even allowed to apply to court after 11 years of choosing no contact. You’re so arrogant to think that you can just waltz back into this child’s life because now, you can be bothered.


DumpedByText · 30/10/2022 20:20

So have you paid child maintenance for the 11 years you've not bothered with her, I doubt it. You seem to be avoiding that question!

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